Special Needs Children and Attending Holy Eucharist
Hello!
I wanted to reach out to learn more about attending the Holy Eucharist at an Episcopal church with special needs children. I apologize in advance for the length of this message, but I want to share some context about our family's situation.
My wife and I have five children. Two of our children are on the autism spectrum with low support needs, though they require frequent supervision and some accommodations. This is especially true for one of our children who is also navigating a tic disorder. Naturally, his tics increase in frequency in crowded or singing environments. Due to the nature of his condition, he occasionally vocalizes a socially inappropriate word or loud comment when a ticking episode begins.
As born-again believers originally baptized in the Baptist tradition, we have spent a long time searching for church services of many traditions and children’s Sunday school programs willing to accommodate us. It has been incredibly difficult. To be clear, we are only looking for reasonable accommodations, not for a church to alter its service. Because most children's ministries are understandably not equipped with staff trained to handle these specific needs, we usually choose to keep our children with us during worship.
Things really came to a head about a year ago. My wife posted in a local Facebook group for Christians that has over 30k members. We live in a smaller town in Florida, and the responses we received were astonishing and heartbreaking. We were told things like, "This is what cry rooms are for," "The church needs order, so this would be disruptive," and "You shouldn't expect others to change for your kid." Several people flatly told us we just shouldn't come to church at all.
As a family with no local support system, desperately seeking a faith community, this hit us incredibly hard. While a few people offered helpful suggestions, the overwhelming negativity was devastating. We aren't asking a church to alter its format; we are simply asking for a chance. If things ever become too overwhelming for our child, we are more than willing to step out of the sanctuary until he is calm. We are just looking for compassion.
Fast-forward to today. Over the past year, my wife and I began exploring Episcopal theology, liturgy, and history, and it has allowed us to dive deeper into our faith. We have been watching online services, but we have never set foot inside a physical building. We truly want to transition back to attending physical services. This is especially important to us now, as our oldest child identifies as non-gender-conforming, and most local faith traditions in our area speak harshly and openly against this. We are searching for a community of believers where our entire family can safely share in the love of Jesus Christ.
With that in mind, I have a few questions as we prepare to take this step:
What should we expect during our first physical Sunday service?
Are "cry rooms" or similar spaces typically available if our child needs a sensory break?
How can we work toward learning more and eventually becoming confirmed if our family needs to attend non-traditionally (such as online or infrequently)?
Thank you so much for your time, guidance, and compassion.
God Bless!