You can read my original post that will no doubt answer your many, many questions.
I added a shitload of pointy things to my pineapple project! I know you were all waiting eagerly for the next installment, so voilà! My careless wife didn't knock my DPNs out of the project while we were skydiving, so no progress lost!
Look, I'm just doing my job as a lieutenant in the Crafting Police. Stop using colors I don't like and that do not bear the CP Seal of Approval and Correctness.
Why is hand-dyed yarn so extremely fugly most of the time?
I have, without exaggeration, maybe seen one or two hand-dyed multicolor skeins of yarn that aren’t making my eyes bleed. I think hand-dyed yarn can be really beautiful in rich solids, but so much of the multicolored work is so hideous to me. It looks like they miss dying certain patches and it comes out uneven. It’s so expensive, and there’s so much of it out there, so clearly I’m the odd one out. But truly every time I see some hand-dyed monstrosity I just sigh to myself. And some crafters get so on their high horse. “Made with yarn I dyed myself!” Yeah, babe. We can tell. It looks terrible.
I want to make a large afghan throw blanket but I'm having trouble finding a pattern, possibly because I have vague expectations and still will reject any logical or helpful suggestions.
I have been looking for quite a while now and tried 13 different patterns but I didn't like any of them either they take up way too much yarn they have too many holes for toes to snag or its way too complex to repeat 40 times. I need a patten that doesn't use a lot of yarn and also doesn't have a lot of holes. I am still pretty new at crochet so this is honestly a little ambitious and overconfident but I need to make this blanket before June 28th for a gift. I can totally do it, right? Today is June 8.
I need a free pattern for a Afghan block or granny square that is a 9x9 squares or bigger because I don't want to make 150 squares. Most patterns I have found were 12x12 squares. I'm not going to specify whether I mean 9 blocks by 9 blocks or 9 inches by 9 inches. I want at least a few colors at least 3 at most 5. But I'm not going to tell you what colors I like. Does anyone know of a pattern like this ? That had colors but also squares?
I'm also not going to specify design preferences or preferred style or really anything but the vaguest parameters. But it will still be your fault if you suggest something I hate.
My debut pattern for the XXXXXS chenille shrug was so well-received, I've created another masterpiece: this lacy beaded can cozy. It's completely non-functional and perfect for your mini Stanley, or can if you're a peasant. Perfect stashbuster for all your gross acrylic, since it's not going to absorb any can sweat anyway. Only $27.99!!! Or you can buy the finished product at my Etttsie Emporium! Give me your money for this masterpiece!!!
I am a representative of the Craft Police, and I am deeply unsettled that you are all using color palettes we did not approve. We are the arbiters of taste and your color palettes are ugly and too bright and too not-neutral. You look like CLOWNS.
Why do you do this? It couldn't possibly be because you started making wearables in order to have apparel in the colors you like.
Remember, you have NO RIGHT to choose the color palettes that bring you joy. We will decide what colors are acceptable, regardless of your preferences or color season or color inspiration. You are all walking around wearing ugly color choices! Save yourself now! Give in to sad beige!
I'm a beginner, and I don't know what happened. I keep reading mistakes will block out, whatever that means. I can fix this, right? Like in five minutes? I need it for my sister's girlfriend's cousin's cat's bat mitzvah next week.
You're doing it RONG. You don't need to count, sweaty. Seriously, stop counting each row. If you do, you're a lazy idiot who can't use a fucking stitch marker. Because using a stitch marker means you magically don't have to actually count.
I am so tired of experienced knitters and cricketers bragging about how they ALLLWAYSSS count their stitches. Every row, every round, every time. They’re proud of it, too. Because they've achieved nothing else in life. It couldn't possibly be a means of keeping on track because your K-drama got too exciting and your attention left your project for a moment.
If at any point you need to count to more than 10, for any reason, ever, stop and think it over (o-o-over). Even if your lace weight pineapple row has 320 stitches with yarn overs on 0000000000000 needles. Do you REALLY need to count? Can’t this be solved with one (1!) stitch marker? What is wrong with you? Use your thinking brain!
OMG LEARN THE BASICS FIRST!!
This is for crocheting though i’m sure this applies to other crafts
I’m so tired of people posting g their first projects asking what they did wrong and it’s so clear they can’t even properly chain.
I have had several friends ask me to teach them to crochet. First thing I do I have the make a chain and do it until it's the length of the equator. Then we move on to single crochet the length of Route 66. And so on until we've traversed the length of Middle Earth in crochet stitches.
You are wasting your time and effort and your ugly acrylic yarn and you're intractably dense! I can’t help you and I don't want to! Apprentice first until you can do Wingardium Chain to manifest perfect chain stitches! Your projects are going to look like shit instead of being perfect! You can't learn by doing projects! You must learn by repetition and rote ONLY! There is no other way to learn!!!!!11!@
No one is going to pay for a few rows of sc attached to a safety pin????
How dare you try to monetize your hobby in a way I find tacky and wrong?
Your stash is personally, individually responsible for global warming. You suck for having one of amy size. Finish your WIPs, you pansy. If you don't, the enemy wins!
But also if you don't buy lots of yarn from small business indie dyers that are also disabled neurospicy radicals, you are Zorg incarnate and perpetuating soulless capitalism.
Your stash sucks and you suck and your FOs suck. Stop having any stash at all. You should know how much yarn/fabric/safety eyes you need within an inch and never have any more than the amount needed for the current project. In fact, you shouldn't have any projects at all, you selfish capitalist creep. Unless you're using indie yarns from French forest nuns spinning unicorn mane fibers. Then you can have just one skein more than what you need for the current project.