u/MalumCattus

I am a [insert fiber art here]-er, and I have taken a massive number of pre-orders that I cannot possibly fulfill. Instead of giving refunds, I want to keep the money, mainly because I already spent it on the equivalent of hookers and blow. So I've decided the best way is to fake my own unalivement. Those of you who have experience with doing this, can you give me some tips and advice? Thanking you in advance (since I'll be in the grave).

I signed up for a knitting class, and was excited, but when I read the confirmation email, they said they would be teaching Norwegian knitting. I don't speak Norwegian! What should I do? The instructor also said they could teach us Portuguese or Russian knitting, but I don't speak those either. I heard some people can teach English knitting, but will they think I'm a xenophobic racist if I ask them to teach me that? And someone at my LYS was talking about German short rows. I'm not a multilingual genius! I just want to knit! Help! Tell me what to do! Do I ask for a refund since I only speak English?

OMG, I am SO READY to make a sweater, but the yarn is going to cost more than $20 USD! Why? All my tiny beginner bee butts only cost like $5!!! Why is this hobby so damn expensive? Why couldn't I take up something cheaper, like diamond painting? I'm in actual agony here. How can I make a sweater for $20 or less? Freedom units only since I have no ability to use exchange rates or simple calculators.

Because you're all a bunch of hateful bitches that hate and canceled me for stirring up drama in which I was most certainly NOT the offender. I'm the victim—mostly of you petty hateful bitches. Why are you all so ignorant and meeeeeaaaaan?!? Can't a humble craftsperson make and spill their own tea without you hateful haters weighing in on something I made everyone's business? Swipe through my story in 15 parts to see exactly how horrible you are and what an angel I am! Flounce flounce flouncy flounce!

I think it's totally reasonable to expect anyone calling themselves a fiber artist to be able to sew, spin, weave, knit, crochet, nålbind, knook, embroider, tat, grow their own sheep, make their own linen from their home-grown flax, skin a deer, and recycle aluminum into craft wire. Anyone with any fewer skills is a dilettante and a total poser and cannot call themselves advanced.

Everything you make should be mine for free because the materials aren't expensive and your time is of no value. Also it must be in my specific color scheme of sage green, lilac, and pops of mulberry. But only the very particular shades I've pre-approved, which will naturally be available only in the most expensive yarns. I DESERVE cashmere dishcloths! Did I mention I need it for a shower tomorrow?

I am a gimmepig from a long line of gimmepigs. All your sweaters are belong to us! AMA if you dare.

And no one has ever done what I do! I'm just quirky like that! It's such a hot take! Fight me in the comments!

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I've never seen this question asked, so I decided to ask it myself. What is something you do that others would find controversial in the crochet community? I'll start.

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I will Google and YouTube to my wit's end to find the free version of a pattern to avoid paying for one, especially on Etsy where the prices are insane.

Look, I'm just doing my job as a lieutenant in the Crafting Police. Stop using colors I don't like and that do not bear the CP Seal of Approval and Correctness.

Why is hand-dyed yarn so extremely fugly most of the time?

I have, without exaggeration, maybe seen one or two hand-dyed multicolor skeins of yarn that aren’t making my eyes bleed. I think hand-dyed yarn can be really beautiful in rich solids, but so much of the multicolored work is so hideous to me. It looks like they miss dying certain patches and it comes out uneven. It’s so expensive, and there’s so much of it out there, so clearly I’m the odd one out. But truly every time I see some hand-dyed monstrosity I just sigh to myself. And some crafters get so on their high horse. “Made with yarn I dyed myself!” Yeah, babe. We can tell. It looks terrible.

I want to make a large afghan throw blanket but I'm having trouble finding a pattern, possibly because I have vague expectations and still will reject any logical or helpful suggestions.

I have been looking for quite a while now and tried 13 different patterns but I didn't like any of them either they take up way too much yarn they have too many holes for toes to snag or its way too complex to repeat 40 times. I need a patten that doesn't use a lot of yarn and also doesn't have a lot of holes. I am still pretty new at crochet so this is honestly a little ambitious and overconfident but I need to make this blanket before June 28th for a gift. I can totally do it, right? Today is June 8.

I need a free pattern for a Afghan block or granny square that is a 9x9 squares or bigger because I don't want to make 150 squares. Most patterns I have found were 12x12 squares. I'm not going to specify whether I mean 9 blocks by 9 blocks or 9 inches by 9 inches. I want at least a few colors at least 3 at most 5. But I'm not going to tell you what colors I like. Does anyone know of a pattern like this ? That had colors but also squares?

I'm also not going to specify design preferences or preferred style or really anything but the vaguest parameters. But it will still be your fault if you suggest something I hate.