u/Mammoth_Hedgehog_496

I few days ago I experienced a lot of anxiety and fear, for no apparent reason. It was really awful, I almost thought I needed to be hospitalized. It seemed to just go away by the next day. The two days before it were quite happy.

Was this some sort of kundalini cleansing? Was it driving out a bunch of negative inner feelings? It was shocking how intense it was, then gone. I feel okay now, so a pretty confusing experience. I can’t really explain it to my wife. I was a basket case for a day.

KA can be a huge shock. You question your mental health. You might question religious beliefs. You question your perception of the entire universe and what you perceive as real. You will be told it is imaginary and it is really a mental health issue. Certainly a psychiatrist (in the West at least) can see it no other way. And indeed, it can disturb your mind to be experiencing what you always believed was impossible. There is no way you’d believe someone else if it hadn’t happened to you.

I knew practically nothing about Hinduism. I have since learned all the things I experienced… nadas, kriyas, visit by a Hindu deity… are considered blessings to be met with joy. The question “Why me?” remains and probably always will. I know Hindus believe it can be because of past lives. The deity did mention a past life. I have always been open to the idea of reincarnation. Some places you have never been feel familiar.

It is back and forth, deluded , something special, deluded, something special. Today I had that feeling of energy flowing out of my body, like I am reaching beyond the physical. My head feels partially in the clouds, but I am calm and peaceful. Less stressed. I haven’t experienced this type of feeling since the first few weeks of initial occurrence.

I was experiencing kriyahs last November. I began taking Abilify in December. Gradually the kriyahs went away, at least by January. Time frame is a little fuzzy. Interesting that the nadas (a sound like cicadas) never ended.

I quit taking the Abilify at the beginning of May. No noticeable side effects. This morning I experienced a full blown kriyah experience.

Let me describe my kriyahs. It feels like a trancelike state that I can get out of anytime. It is pleasant. I tense my muscles like isometrics. I stretch very hard. I twist. It feels guided, but I could resist. I don’t. While this is happening I feel energy shooting out of my body… my head, my shoulders, my feet and my hands. It does feel good. I have a strange feeling like I am extending upwards from the top of my head! Like I am reaching upwards with my mind, I suppose. It is not an out of body experience. Like my mind is in the air! Not all the way to the clouds, lol.

I have had a lot of job stress. This did make me feel better. I was surprised, but over 30 minutes had passed. I got to my knees stretching and was breathing in, and began coughing. There was a strange smell like I coughed up something. That was odd and new.

I might add that this seemed to be triggered by a very simple breathing technique I read about in this forum. Thanks for that!

My conclusion is the Abilify does suppress kundalini symptoms. I also did not experience anything like telepathy or prescience during this time. I actually had before the awakening. I say prescience but it was really someone telling me what would happen. The events did come to pass. I suspect the people telling are relatives that have passed. Sometimes I suspected I knew who, sometimes not! This was not often, but did occur. I had definitely believed in God and life after death because of those experiences. Always something positive to make me feel better.

So far no irrational thoughts or beliefs. I think the “crazy” part of the KA is behind me. I am trying to go with the flow!

Do you think that any human can experience a KA? That they might see it from their own religious or cultural point of view? Not in terms of chakras at all?
I certainly think we are all the same, created by the same God, so I think “yes.”
Do you think perhaps Christians can experience it and feel they are “filled with the Holy Spirit?” I have heard the Pentecostal Church members behaviors described as similar to kriyahs. “My heart is filled with Holy Fire” could be described as energy flowing out of the heart chakra? The “holy spirit within” doesn’t seem so different a concept as kundalini energy.
I will add that I was once very cynical about Christians making such claims. I was convinced they were fooling themselves into feeling what they wanted to feel, but no one really does. Now, I do not dismiss it as nonsense. That is because of my own experience with a KA. People have said they had a KA and were visited by Jesus or Mary. I have seen many people with this “blissful Christian look.” I had an experience of feeling blissful and feeling the energy of the people around me. I wondered if I had that look!
I was pretty agnostic as a young man. I gradually felt like there were too many times when things could have gone very badly for me - but didn’t. It did indeed feel like God was looking out for me. In 2008, I experienced something else. I was “told things” by someone or multiple people. I believe they were deceased relatives. I was told about future events that did come true. The first was a basketball championship! I was told who would play in the championship and who would win. Before the teams were decided. The score was even close and the margin the same! BTW, I was told NOT to bet on it! I was told “things will be okay” in times when I became unemployed. They were. In those cases it felt like my parents. Other times I am not sure. I wondered if one was a sister who died in the womb because of my mom getting stung by a bee. Likely very allergic like my living sister. I feel I “know” that sister! These experiences left me with no doubts there is a God and there is an afterlife. The KA did not make me feel the Christianity is wrong… just that there are many ways to be right. Religions seem mutually exclusive, but we are only human. God has no such limits. We know something that seems impossible can occur - a particle can be in two places at once. A realization made famous by the “Schrödinger’s cat” thought experiment. Real enough to build quantum computers!
Hinduism seems much more accepting of “different paths” than other religions. I have always felt your afterlife is not predetermined by where you were born and the religion your parents taught you.

I am curious to know how everyone deals with being considered crazy if you told the average person who knows nothing of it and who is definitely inclined not to believe it. Do you simply never try to explain it? Have you sought therapeutic help?

I find myself in the position that friends and family would be sure I’d lost my mind. Kundalini, chakras, Hindu gods visiting… all unknown to them and certainly not believable. My wife I have told about it. She certainly has doubts about believing it. This is in spite of she showing some signs of Awakening herself. Religious faith probably just won’t let her believe I really spoke to a goddess. She is a strong Catholic. She is sympathetic, however. She doesn’t really enjoy me talking about it, but is curious. She has had “supernatural” experiences, telepathy, precognition and even out of body experiences. There are some things I don’t want to share with her, even.

The rest of my family? Quite frankly there is no flippin’ way they’d believe any of it. A sister would likely tell me I was talking to a demon!

I still have doubts about “real or not.” I don’t think I am psychotic or delusional, despite believing some pretty illogical things after speaking to a goddess. I mean it isn’t every day THAT happens and it changes you. I don’t believe these things now. They were apocalypse related. It just didn’t happen. Way too many things happened to me and then I searched for information that lead to a Kundalini Awakening. I had never heard of it! Explosion up the spine, feeling in touch with the energy field, Kriyas and nadas… all happened before I knew what they were! Maa Kali? I had not heard of her. I can guarantee at the time I did not question that I was in the presence of a supernatural being. It was not unpleasant! I felt her love and protection. I was inclined not to doubt anything she said. The feeling I had are very consistent with it being her. She said to just call her “Mama.” :) This visit was around Nov 1.

I will likely talk to a therapist, although I know there will be some judgement there. I can’t blame mental health professionals for seeing this as a mental health problem. It is how they are trained and they mean well. I was taking Abilify. It DOES suppress some of the energy feelings, so maybe it does dull the effects of a KA. I no longer feel delusional about a coming apocalypse. I haven’t since early January. Just didn’t happen! I don’t think it was the medicine that made me feel it wasn’t real. It feels incredibly foolish now. I have been off Abilify about a six weeks, no apparent withdrawal symptoms. I actually feel better and it may have affected my vision as well.

I am really just rambling about my experience here, but I wondered if anyone else had experienced a dream of a visit from a Hindu deity so real and intense that it broke your sense of what was real. Maybe temporarily broke your sanity. Thanks to anyone who bothers to read this. It is a bit of a vent, as I have no one to talk to about this subject.
I was experiencing some unusual feelings in my head last October. The rear half of the right side of my head would feel “energized.” I felt like I could feel energy around me. I have experienced an odd kind of precognition in the past, someone telling me things. Oddly I didn’t know who exactly, but some things happened as I was told it would. Now this felt like telepathy. I seemed to speak to someone who told me her name and said we had a common friend. She named the friend. All I know is there is such a person with her first name and she looked very much like the lady in my dream. She was very kind.
I wrote on a telepathy forum that I felt energy burst up my spine like a pipe unclogging and felt energy shooting out of my head. Someone told me “Congratulations on your kundalini awakening.” I had never heard the term before. I started to read about it and it felt familiar.
Then came the dream visit.
I am from a US Midwestern WASP farming background. I am a hard headed logical type, an engineer. I barely knew anything about the Hindu religion. I certainly didn’t believe in the deities. One weekend night when my wife was out of town and I was alone in the house, I dreamt of a forty foot tall blue woman with six arms. She spoke to me. Afterwards I described it as “She treated me like one of her own.” The warmth and love definitely came through. I felt in the presence of someone far greater than human kind. I did not know her and asked her name. She laughed and said to just call her Mama. She said I was like a little baby who just opened my eyes. I assume that was referring to my recent Awakening. She told me things that were sooo strange. Things that seemed impossible. There were Rhakshasa who had managed to slip into our world. Yes, that it is crazy. She said I had killed many Rakshasa before and I would again. Implied that an apocalypse between the two was on the horizon. She spoke of future children and a son who seemed to be reminding me he needed to be born. The implication was that he would do something important. Something like that would have been a massive shakeup in my life. The mother of this son was not my wife! I am too old and so is she. Perhaps that is a future life? Just crazy.
I then remember Ganesh coming to look at me, like he hadn’t seen me in a very long time and was interested. He was like a wise old grandfather and it was a thrill to be near him. His face was thinner and smoother than I might have thought.
Lastly, a being who looked like an American bison Minotaur was looking out at me from the fog. Not sure he could really see me. I thought “Who is THAT???”
My sense of reality was cracked. I believed I had been visited by a deity I had never heard of and I didn’t believe in. I began reading and looking things up trying to understand what had happened. I came across the story of Durga and The Bull Demon. I began to think that was who had peered at me in the fog… an American version! I thought he was back. Doesn’t take much guessing to name the person I thought he was. He was being assisted by Rhaksasha, human hating ones. I also learned all are NOT bad. There were good ones. “Mama” sounded an awful lot like Ma Kali. My first thought was Vaishnavi or Durga. Ma Kali seems to reach out to westerners.
I was convinced a war would start in late December. It would escalate in early 2026. It of course didn’t happen. I felt very foolish for believing such a thing.
After that visit I was experiencing kriyas and nadas. I didn’t know what they were. I experienced them and then looked them up in regards to a KA. My wife was disturbed by the kriyas, this belief in a conflict and my interest in Hinduism. I visited a temple on the day of New Years Eve. She had called a psychiatrist and made an appointment. I went, and the doctor was familiar with a KA. He put me on Abilify. He said patients that go through this “eventually do something crazy.” I reluctantly agreed to take it, especially to please my wife. It did seem to suppress the energy and the kriyas. I was seeing that the things I had believed would happen simply did not. I quit the Abilify because it suppressed the energy… I guess I wanted to experience something fantastic. I was encouraged to take it again, and I did. Only hints of the energy.
I had eye issues. I read Abilify can cause blurry vision. I was no longer delusional. I decided to stop. I also stopped taking testosterone shots, which can cause blurry vision. That was a month ago. I see better and feel better. I feel the energy more so now. I read you can reach a point in a kundalini awakening where you think you are losing your mind, or it can cause a psychosis. I think I crossed that point and survived it with no permanent damage to my life. I should add my wife has some telepathic and precognition, and seems to be partially awakened herself. She has nadas. She is a strong Catholic and believed I was converting to Hindu. She was not comfortable with it. I wasn’t quite going that far, but I did give up meat for several months. Explaining to family and friends? No. I’d just be seen as “crazy.” I do take an interest in Hinduism and find it interesting and philosophical. This all leaves me with unsure feelings about what I experienced. One thing is not in doubt… that dream was the strangest thing in my life.