u/Margemillions

I feel like I’m going insane. My partner and I have been working on our 1915 ~1300 sq ft home for the past 8 months, pretty much skim coated all the walls ourselves, paint removal and complete refinishing of trim (doors, baseboards, etc), had asbestos removal done, hired painters. Refinishing the floors is what’s pushed me over the edge- here’s a little background before getting to that part-

Luckily, we were able to afford to continue living in the apartment we were renting prior to purchase to avoid the largest, most dusty parts of renovation, but the expenses were adding up, our living situation with our downstairs neighbors was awful and the neighborhood itself was pretty gross. The final straw with the apartment was that our landlord was trying to sell and wanted us out to start renovations.

I was burnt by this point, my partner had gone through some serious bouts of depression (he would disappear for hours at a time while we were both supposed to be working on the house, not get out of bed when we were supposed to be working on the house, etc) and to keep the ball rolling I had to take on more work than I anticipated which caused extreme tension and ultimately resentment.

When it came to floors, which we both agreed needed to be refinished (the floors were basically raw upstairs, think splinters in your socks) I told him I wanted to hire someone to do them, that I was drained and no longer had the stamina- I was drawing a boundary and said I can’t continue working on the house and I need to prioritize packing and moving. Also, I wanted to live my life again, and take care of everything Ive put on hold for the past 8 months- not be consumed by back breaking labor.

He insisted that the floors were a diy project that he wanted to do. I told him if that was the case I have very little interest in helping, but if it comes to it and I have extra time, I can help, but that this is his project and he’s largely on his own (which was concerning because of how he handled the stress of the other projects)

He started the upstairs in early March, by the time we moved- April 15th he had just coated the floors up there- we stayed in a hotel one night to let the fumes dissipate.

Fast forward- it’s May 1st. Floors downstairs are still being worked on, we can’t use our kitchen, cabinets and counters are all taped up everything downstairs is covered in dust, our lives are still in boxes. I have been helping when I can. I went through a bad battle with acid reflux which I think was caused by the physicality of moving and exacerbated by stress, so I’ve been trying to avoid working on the floor on all fours. The steps have been covered in ram board which caused me to slip and fall down them TWICE- the first time left a hideous enormous bruise on my thigh, but didn’t hurt that badly, but last night I fell again and jacked up my back pretty badly. Luckily I caught myself on my elbows, but nearly slammed my head.

I completely lost it and went full on psycho. Huge argument and rage dump with partner ensued. He doesn’t seem to get that the stressful living conditions and accidents in these circumstances have been caused by his decision to diy the floors. The most frustrating part is that he barely accepts responsibility for the circumstances and barely seems to show any humility and empathy or care about the toll this stubborn decision is taking on me.

We’re waiting to hear back from his buddy who owns a floor finishing company to see if he can finish the project this weekend or next week. Thank god, there’s an end in sight. Don’t think I could go on much longer with the relationship dynamic and construction zone for much longer.

Anyone have advice on how to personally get though something like this so you’re not seething with resentment? Any advice on how to restore the relationship?