APD has effected me for as long as I can remember
I really want to get help because I think I actually have severe APD and it effects my daily life. Backstory, I was tested as a child and they said I was within the normal range but on the high end of it. I do have a learning disabilities and have my entire childhood and still do.
In the 90s/early 2000s, they decided it was best to give me a speaker to place on my desk because they thought I couldn't hear the teacher. It didn't last long because for me it's not a hearing issue, it's a auditory processing where it just took me longer to understand. Also bullies were rough. I was in special education classes because I couldn't focus on the words on the page unless it was completely silent in the room. I needed more time on the tests because it also took me longer to understand what was being asked. I was in special education classes for as long as I can remember into college. I was also in Kumon for reading and math. I ended up always doing really well in school (in regular classes) and college but only because in order to do well I had to study 5x longer and I was willing to do this. Side note, having a brilliant sibling who was literally sent to a gifted school because he was so smart and got one question wrong on the SATs was difficult because I constantly compared myself. But I was thankful to have parents who got me the help I needed. They did a good job. My parents worked really hard to get me into the best public school system in the state I was in and the teachers were amazing; I think I succeeded because of the assistance and school. It was just difficult to be surrounded by mostly gifted people. The majority of the students were gifted but they still knew how to help kids who were in special education.
As an adult in my early 30s, I sometimes forget easy words. I know what it is i'm trying to say but I literally cannot grab the word. It's embarrassing. I'm scared to start going off on a story because 'what if I forget a word and embarrass myself'. I have a job where I need to explain things to people and I stumble over my words. It makes sense in my head and i'm good at what I do but I can't explain it. My partner thinks i'm not listening and makes comments that we live in a 'different reality'. At first I thought it was ADD or ADHD because I think I have both potentially as well; pretty certain I have both. Recently I thought I offered my partner peppers as a snack but he said I said 'onions'. I often find myself saying the opposite word that i'm thinking; using dog when I mean cat. I get overstimulated veryyyy quickly. Sometimes when the dogs bark I yell at them because everything feels like too much. I am a terrible storyteller. I'm very bullheaded and I love routine; not sure if this is APD. I cannot work at my job with music that has any words. I have trouble driving with people in the car if I have to hold a conversation with them. My partner gets upset when people are trying to explain something but there's too much noise so I literally can't. I'm afraid this will effect me when we have kids. I had to get used to sleeping with a fan because I preferred silence but my partner likes a fan; we go back and forth. We're in therapy for communication issues and she just made the connection to my APD and how that probably effects our relationship. Some arguments are because a trigger is thinking someone is calling me stupid (which I realize is my trauma from childhood) when they're asking me a question because I have APD and he wants to make sure I understand; then I get upset and I don't know how to take a step back before I start crying. I literally think it effects me more than I realize.
I thought it was all ADD or ADHD or perhaps autism; or maybe a combination of a bunch of things. I'm definitely neurodivergent and I just considered these things quirks of my personality but it does bother me.
What do you do to help yourself? How do you get your partner to understand the struggle? What do you suggest?