u/Mediocre-Purpose-271

I've been a firefighter since late 2020, in company mid 2021 and I'm sick of it. I've had one too many bad calls, can't sleep and I'm sure thr stress is giving me blood pressure issues. On top of all of that I absolutely hate my department and I don't think I want to work at another period.

However because this is all I've been doing for half a decade I don't know what else I even can do. Before this I worked a payroll/call center job and stayed mainly in that lane. All of the certs I have are my firefighter I, state EMT-B (let my national lapse like an idiot) and HAZMAT Technician.

I have no clue what I want to do, don't have a passion and don't think I'll find it now, I just know I want out ASAP. Realistically a trade (I've been thinking welding, electrician or both) seems like it's all I can do but I'm open to any ideas.

I've been a firefighter for about five years now and I think I'm just becoming disillusioned with the job. Transitioned to firefighting because I wanted to help people and wanted a job that actually makes a difference. However, it seems like I'm just Uber so people can sleep at the hospital or enabling bad behavior. Outside of the calls the entire admin side just doesn't seem to care about us. Apparatuses are falling apart and so are our stations. For example our engine leaks every fluid that it holds and instead of fixing the leaks we just top it off whenever they run low. A couple ceiling tiles have been missing in our bunk room ceiling for months and every time it rains more than a drizzle the roof leaks.

No one was a good thing to say about our department either. All the guys with 15+ years will tell you they'd quit if they weren't too deep in. We lose newer people faster than we can hire them. We already have a ton of mandatory overtime and we're basically running on voluntary OT but with even more retirements this year things are looking more dire. Meanwhile we get paid like garbage compared to other departments around us who run less calls.

Despite all this I'm worried about leaving because this is my home town and where I live. I'm not the best at my job by any means but I'm decent enough. Because of that I've been able to help train newer people. Also on those calls that matter I enjoy helping those that actually need it.

Realistically, things are just going to get a lot worse before they get slightly better but I just know I'd feel guilty leaving. Also a part of me would miss the adrenaline and I don't know if I could just work a regular job again.

Curious if anyone else is in or has been in a similar boat.