Don’t know what to do, I hate academia
I’m 3y as postdoc now and severely disillusioned with the whole academic system. For reference I’m in stem (a highly theoretical/ fundemental field) and I used to love learning and researching the most obscure fundamental things, but now I don’t see the point. Everything is made worse by the fact that I’m mid-30s, own nothing, have no savings, and have spent the last 3y in a different country to my partner. I’m struggling to even focus now, and while I’m good at what I do I just can’t be bothered anymore, I just want to quit and go live in the same place as my partner and I’m so fed up I’m drinking a lot to cope with the internal stress of it all. I’m starting to regret even doing my PhD and wish I just got a job straight after graduating. There’s several things I could pivot to (mostly tech industry based) but I’ve had not even a single interview so far (approx 50 applications) even in things that a direct match for me. Im not sure if I can even manage to motivate myself for a career in tech, I don’t want to use my scientific skills just to make a big multinational more money in this capitalist hellscape. I can’t do a job that just pays a good pay check and check out from it, I need to find some kind of value in my work and feel like it’s providing some kind of benefit to the community. I can’t just quit my job, I have no money or financial safety net from family. I have been considering doing something in education, to me that’s super meaningful but i don’t have the money to get the relevant qualifications (I’d need to go back to university for a year in my home country) and break into it. I don’t know what to do, some days I wish I just went and learnt a manual trade after leaving school. I’m not sure what the point of this post is, I’m just at the end of my tether and need to vent and help/ advice.