TW: Struggling with Behavioral Euthanasia and bite history in a 3 year old bulldog
TW: Behavioral Euthanasia and bite history
I am writing in a state of what I can only describe as anguish as I grapple with the concept of BE for my beloved little bulldog. He was anxious from the moment I picked him up from the breeder, to an extent that I have never seen dogs be anxious. As a puppy he would urinate out of fear, cower and shake at nothing. I didn't think much of it at first as he was the youngest puppy I had ever taken home and didn't realize that this was abnormal. I remember often saying if I hadn't had this dog his whole life and known how well loved and cared for he is, I would think he came out of a terrible rescue setting. Around 6 months old his litter mate was behaviorally euthanized for aggression. I was, at the time, completely horrified and a bit judgemental of this news.
He was a bright puppy. Easy to train, affectionate, loyal, and above all else loving and snuggly. He had severe separation anxiety which he was medicated for, to no avail, and we had a trainer come to the house to work with him on doordashing and continued the work on our own, again to no avail. He would be in a state of absolute hysterical panic and frenzy trying to follow us out of the house, often hurting himself or us in the process. We tolerated it and made the best of the situation.
Around his 2nd birthday, he began resource guarding. At first it was just high value chews and treats. So we took them out of the home. Then he began resource guarding furniture, biting us if we moved him off the bed or couch or even stood up off the couch to go to the bathroom. He started guarding his vomit (he frequently vomited after eating) and biting us when we tried to clean the floors. He even guarded my partner from me at times. Despite being well potty trained, he urinated on the beds and couch when left alone, again out of fear. He gets into a state which I can only liken to horror films about possession where something takes over him. His eyes change and we can’t get through to him. He is absolutely incensed and overtaken by rage.
A few weeks after turning two, he bit both myself and my partner within a week, drawing blood both times, but relatively minor with no need for stitches. We changed his prescription, worked with a different trainer, nothing worked. He now has 5 level 3 bites and 1 level 4. I grew up with an extremely aggressive rescue dog in the home so I was rather unphased by this all.
His aggression has continued to worsen despite doing everything we can think of. He is never left home alone for more than 2 hours, he has tried 3 different prescriptions, CBD, we’ve tried enrichment, removing stressors etc. I am at a loss. For the last year, we have just been managing. I have started keeping a behavior log- on a good day it can be as low as 1-2 bite attempts but he averages 7-10 attempts to bite per day.
About a month ago, he bit my partner rather severely through both sides of the hand, drawing blood and leaving bruises. We love him deeply and have always let it go with the knowledge that he is scared and he doesn’t “mean to be aggressive.”
A few times recently after the aggression seems to have subsided, he has lunged at me, trying to attack and I have been fortunate enough to have been in positions to close doors or block his attempts.
The breaking point for me happened a few weeks ago when our trusted dog walker, who he has always been gentle with, was bitten when trying to leave the house, again drawing blood. My partner and I were willing to tolerate a lot when it was directed at us, but I fear every time I walk him outside now that he will snap at someone else and god forbid hurt a neighbor’s child or dog.
The situation is affecting my career. I often am cornered and unable to get out of the house on time as he guards the door, we cannot have guests to the home, we cannot go out. We cannot go on vacation. I am a prisoner to a 20 lb. dog.
My partner and I had reluctantly started to wonder if we can’t give him what he needs and opened our minds to the idea of rehoming our pup to a retired couple or someone who works full time from home and seldom travels or leaves the house. I spoke with two behavioralists and a rescue who all said due to his bite history and profile, he is an unsuitable candidate for rehoming and all suggested him as a strong case for BE. I am beside myself. I love this dog so deeply. I have tried everything I can think of to help him and the situation continues to worsen.
I feel such immense guilt at the idea of ending his journey here when I know how capable of love he is. More so perhaps, I feel such immense guilt, bordering on self hatred at the relief I experience at the thought of my life without him in it. Being able to leave the home freely or pick something up off the floor without having to have an escape plan. On some level, I think I know that this would be a mercy for him and for us. That he is sick and suffering. A bigger part of me though feels that this is selfish of me- that I’m “taking the easy way out” so I can have my life back.
I have had many healthy loving dogs in my life and I know this is far from the experience it should be to have a pet. I have lost friendships, this has put considerable strain on my young marriage, and relationships with family members who no longer feel safe coming to our home.
I fear that I am in a situation with no potential positive outcome. My choices seem to be: 1. Continue to live in fear and sacrifice my own mental health, social life, and career, and put off starting a family until the dog passes naturally, or 2. BE and live with the guilt at the fact that I could’ve tried harder to save him.
In a way, I suppose I am looking for permission to let him go. I’m a bit desperate to hear others' experiences both during the decision making process and after the fact.
Do you live with crippling regret or do you now have the clarity to see this was the right choice?