My boyfriend avoids intimacy with me and it’s destroying my self-esteem
My boyfriend (26M) and I (26F) have been together for about a year. For the first three months we weren’t officially dating because neither of us wanted to rush into another relationship. I had just come out of a 10-year relationship, and he had recently ended a 5-year relationship too.
We work together, but on opposite shifts, so we mostly only see each other at night or on days off. At the beginning everything was amazing. We connected very naturally, we traveled together, had a great emotional connection and our sex life was honestly incredible.
But over the last couple of months something changed.
He started rejecting physical affection, avoiding intimacy and touching me less and less. I’ve asked him multiple times what’s wrong and he always says he still finds me attractive, that he’s just stressed or tired.
I’ve tried to understand and respect that, but it has seriously affected my self-esteem.
A few weeks ago I jokingly asked him what rating he would give me physically from 1 to 10. He said 7. I know it sounds stupid, but that completely crushed me and honestly marked a before and after in my mind.
Since then I’ve felt insecure all the time.
A few days ago we had a serious conversation where I told him I needed more affection, more connection, more closeness. I told him he barely even kisses me anymore.
His answer was that he avoids kissing me because then I might think he wants sex, and if he rejects me afterward, I’ll feel bad.
That completely broke me and I started crying immediately.
Now I feel like he doesn’t desire me anymore, and I don’t even think I could be intimate with him at this point because I feel deeply insecure and hurt.
I also want to clarify that I honestly don’t think he’s cheating on me. I truly believe the issue is emotional/intimacy related, not another woman.
My friends keep telling me this relationship is damaging my mental health, and honestly I think they might be right because lately all I want to do is go home, cry, avoid conversations and go to sleep before he gets home.
Am I overreacting? Can relationships recover from this kind of loss of intimacy and attraction, or is this usually the beginning of the end?
TL;DR: My boyfriend used to be very affectionate and intimate with me, but over the last few months he avoids kissing and intimacy. It has completely destroyed my self-esteem and I don’t know if this relationship can recover.