Here we are baby girl <3 The voting has been closed 4 days ago, and as I made my way back from Valentina's Backyard and peeped at the results I was absolutely SHOCKED! Hopefully you enjoyed my relentless terrorism on this subreddit for the last month or so, I'm looking forward to doing it all again next year. Below the video lie some of my personal opinions on the matter of the results, but that's spoiler territory, so beeline straight to the huge video looming in the background before you read those unless you don't like surprises lol

https://reddit.com/link/1t4mpsb/video/nbscoygzjczg1/player

THIS IS THE SPOILER AREA YOU INAPPROPRIATE WORDS !

Let's start off with my personal top 10 and who I decided to give my 12 points to, along with some reasons other songs I didn't give points to were here.

Actually, I wanted to include every country with a national final into the competition, but alas, some places just were too good. I almost put in Takatukka from Finland in but I refrained.

12 points - Trampolina - Bella, Serbia

The only thing that could surpass my hatred for whatever the fuck my 10 points was my absolute fascination for the QUEEN herself. I'll probably write a full on essay for what a masterpiece this song is in a few days.

10 points - Ciccolo - Luka Basi, San Marino

THIS MAN, THIS VISUAL AND AUDITORY TERRORIST OF A THING, HUMPING HIS CROTCH AT EVERYONE ON EARTH AND TELLING PEOPLE TO MIX HIM A MOJITO, NO SIR I WILL NOT. I WANTED HIM TO WIN JUST SO HE COULD FEEL EMBARRASSED AT WHAT HE DID TO MY EARS, AND THE ENTIRETY OF SAN MARINO INCLUDING THE QUEEN VALENTINA MONETTA AND SENHIT, I HOPE HE CATCHES GONORRHEA AND SYPHILIS AT THE SAME TIME, HOW DID THIS ONLY GET SEVENTH PLACE??????????

8 points - Parawany Tango - Piotr Pregowski, Poland

As much as I'd love to rant about the wonky, AI generated eagles and elephants in the room I mostly focused on the scarily enthusiastic dancers, especially the male one. That alone paired with whatever the hell Piotr is wearing clinched a top 3 spot in my personal ranking.

7 points - RAKETA - Lima Len, Croatia

I feel like this song is a successor to NPC by Laurakojopjeva from last year, but it's alright, since I find the reheating of Laurakojopjeva's nachos quite charming in this instance - Feeding the exersizing woman while she works out is so funny

6 points - Last Man Standing - Stockholm Cowboys, Estonia

This is Ding Dong for straight people, love you Katya! The pyramid demon that killed fake Stockholmian man number 1's friend was so corny I couldn't help but laugh.

5 points - Take It! - Krisy, Latvia

We stan low budget Charli XCX impersonators here, she's a queen.

4 points - Ciao Ragazzki - Ragazzki, Germany

Nothing much to say with this one, just your average horrible performance with so much energy it's kinda entertaining lol

3 points - Copacabana Boy - Junior Lerin, Sweden

Although this little canary piece of doodoo copyrighted my recap video on youtube, I still respected his domino effect of horrible decisions which lead to the dumpster fire that is his performance. I do respect him a little bit, even though I choose to believe he himself copyrighted me.

2 points - Casanova 91 - Dolce Hera, Montenegro

The QUEEN returns, this time with an actually good song? Repeat would've sweeped last years edition, with Tudor Bumbac maybe giving her some competition, but C91 is an actually competent performance. In good conscience I can't give her more points than this, even though she's the queen of camp and always will be. Dolce if you're reading this I love you, your artistry is genuinely inspiring and I wish you all the best, You'll definitely bring it home for Montenegro in 2027

1 point - Money - Artiom Topal, Moldova

Honestly this song kinda grew on me???? The sexy office sirens still serve KANT tho, I can't support shirtless bad male vocalists tho

Fun facts :p

I almost picked Ericka Jane for Denmark, but the female singers thousand yard stare in Can U Feel It? Was too captivating to pass.

Also Simon AT the cease and desist didn't go through, I actually don't live underneath the Sanremo 2025 stairs sister

(For dummies, a clarification - I haven't heard shit from Simon so I assume we're good, enemies to lovers arc coming soon?)