Did it again,guess what?
Hey guys, so after 10 months of quitting weed, I started smoking like three months ago (my mental health just couldn’t take it anymore) and to add to my mistake i I found a shop near my house which sells those goddamn pens (jungle-boys) which is about 70% pure plant.To be honest guys these 3 months I was using it like crazy like I never ever stopped like it didn’t almost kill me last year. The really crazy thing is that from the moment I started using the pens they plant was not hitting as it used to and I couldn’t believe it.Needles to say for 35€ a pen I spent everything I had on those things(about one or one and a half pens a freaking day..ISN’T THAT CRAZY) which ofc lead to being the only thing in my mind,you know the feeling “if I don’t get at least two hits nothing mattered” such an addict mindset and I thought i could control it. Long story short I got in hyperemesis in about 3 months,I suffered,everyone around me suffered, I thank god to be honest that it happened again because it shook me so so bad especially dissapointing my mother which I love so much ❤️.With the help of a psychiatrist I managed to stand up on my feet in about four days, but for those four days I suffered so so much, I don’t wish it upon anyone , but you know what it had its circle with me and
I wanna live a clean life,a good life with nothing in my mind thinking “oh if I don’t smoke,what’s the point?”
No that’s not the right way, last year unfortunately was a very bad year for me besides the harshest episode I ever lived and I was fighting my demons for 5 freaking months in such a depressive state.Now what to i do?
I WILL LIVE MY FREAKING LIFE WITH ITS GODDAMN UPS AND DOWNS,I ll do anything in my power to find the real me,even if it means I’ll walk alone but god has given me such amazing people in my life to help me with anything so I won’t disappoint them.I now know for good that my body isn’t made for it and I am glad because it was controlling me and made me dull in life.
To everyone out there with chs trust me you guys if you don’t control it now it will eventually control you.Ofc I don’t judge anyone who does it’s just that it feels so good realising who you really are,ITS YOUR DECISION if you wanna live life to the fullest.I think everyone here wishes they had a Time Machine so they could warn their younger self’s for what it’s about to come,and whoever said to me when I was 16 that the plant isn’t addictive oh this oh that F*C* YOU,I was so happy when I was young and I really thought I was controlling it.MANNNN F*C* that plant ,I respect it helps millions of people but goddamn I AM GLAD I GOT YOU OUT OF LIFE ONCE AGAIN AND I SWEAR FROM NOW I WILL RAWDOG THIS AWESOME LIFE BECAUSE NOW AM 24 AND WANNA EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING ❤️
good luck to everyone who can’t take it,stop it because in our case it’s a never-ending cycle and you never know where you might end up.. both knowing you will not end up in a good place.FIND THE STRENGTH TO PROTECT YOUR FUTURE SELF FROM PAST WRONG DECISIONS ITS NEVER LATE IF YOU
DONT. GIVE. UP. (we are all humans in the end of the day and we make mistakes,You my friend reading this,you’re built for greatness it’s just a plant,move on it never really helped you in anything you couldn’t handle yourself or at least thats my opinion!)
#Cheers