Only neutral or uncomfortable trips, how can I make it at the very least introspective?
Hello guys, I have studied psychedelics for years because of autistic infatuation and the desire to gain a life-altering experience from them. I took my first trip on a whim, LSA through Morning Glory Seeds, and had the single best experience of my life. I was finally happy for once, I wasn’t plagued with anxiety, depression, or even my deepest insecurities. It felt like everything was in its right place.
I felt this way for about 5-6 days afterwards and I kind of just returned to my baseline mental state, though I do believe it may have changed my thought patterns and how I respond to certain situations in a positive way. Every since then I’ve been chasing the feeling I had and bought shrooms online. I took the mushrooms on a whim at night (just like my LSA trip) and things weren’t at all like how my first trip was.
I was uncomfortable and scared and delirious. Instead of almost overwhelming euphoria it was downright dysphoria and a feeling of confusion I couldn’t shake off. I just sat in my bed watching YouTube and after the trip ended I felt extremely dissatisfied and mentally drained. It’s hard to describe but all that really happened was that I got some nice visuals and I was just super confused with thought loops. The only nice thing to come out of the trip was me staring at the stars in a sort of trance state where I felt a brief moment of clarity.
Everytime I’ve done shrooms to try to chase the feeling of euphoria and depression alleviation like my LSA trip has came empty handed, whenever I feel like a trip is going to be significant and big it just feels half baked and empty of any feeling except confusion. I made sure to wait 2 weeks after each trip too. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I just want to feel happy again.