Need Advice on PI and lab dynamics
Hiya, I'm 34F senior postdoc and in a bit of an odd situation with my PI, and I'd really appreciate some outside perspective.
I'm due to start a new postdoc in a couple of months with "Keith" (41M) as my PI. Keith has only been a PI for about three years, but I've known him for almost ten. He was a postdoc in "Jim's" lab, where I did my PhD.
When Jim retired, he still had active grants and staff (including me). Keith inherited one of those grants, along with Jim's lab space and equipment, and that grant was almost entirely based on my PhD research. That grant has now ended, and I'll be moving onto a new position with Keith as my PI continuing my research.
For years, Keith has been incredibly supportive. He helped build my confidence as a scientist during my PhD, has always been generous with his time, and has been someone I've turned to both for scientific advice and for the occasional life or career pep talk when my impostor syndrome gets the better of me. He's very much the "lab therapist" - everyone goes to him to vent - and I was genuinely thrilled when he got his own group because I think he's a brilliant scientist and a kind person.
The problem is that the last three years have been... difficult.
Because Keith inherited Jim's funding, equipment, and space, he was able to recruit several PhD students almost immediately. The first was "Regina."
Regina is very confident, outspoken, and opinionated, which aren't bad traits in themselves. The issue is that Keith is an extreme people-pleaser who cannot to say no to anyone. He himself says he's spineless.
Regina would spend hours every day chatting with Keith - not just about science, but about anything - and he'd constantly end up behind on his own work.
Our lab has always had a culture where everyone chips in with the boring jobs: ordering, tidying, shared equipment, admin, etc. Regina decided none of that was her responsibility. Worse, she'd actively tell the newer PhD students not to help either.
Another senior postdoc and I repeatedly raised this with Keith. His response was always some variation of, "Just let it go. It's not your responsibility."
Which... yes, exactly. It's his responsibility. But because he wouldn't address it, everyone else had to pick up the slack.
I tried introducing simple rotas to spread these jobs fairly. When Regina refused to do her assigned jobs, Keith told me people don't like being told what to do and that, as "just a postdoc," I had no authority over PhD students.
Fair enough about my authority, but "people don't like being told what to do?" It's a workplace! Besides, I was asking people for help because I was overwhelmed trying to do these tasks that are his responsibility to manage.
The social side became even worse.
Regina effectively created an "us and them" culture. Although we all shared the same office and lab, she'd organise pub trips with Keith and the other students without inviting any of Jim's old group. They even started socialising with another collaborating lab, again without ever mentioning it to us.
If we invited them to anything, they wouldn't come.
We used to celebrate everyone's birthday with cake and a card in the office. Now, if it's someone from Jim's old group, everyone still signs the card and we have cake in the office. If it's one of Keith's students, they only pass the card among themselves, then disappear into another room with Keith to have cake separately.
The justification was that they wanted to establish an independent lab identity.
The problem is, they're not independent! Keith's lab was almost entirely dependent on Jim's remaining grant money, equipment, reagents, and infrastructure. He also leaned heavily on Jim's former group - including me - for grant ideas, preliminary data, and even drafting applications because he was struggling to balance supervising students with writing grants.
Meanwhile, his students, largely led by Regina, barely acknowledged our existence - not even saying hello or goodbye.
Privately, Keith remained exactly the same person he'd always been with me: encouraging, thoughtful, happy to discuss ideas, and supportive whenever I was struggling. When I finally told him how much the exclusion was damaging morale, all he said was, "Yeah, I think Regina is making my life difficult with that."
Then... he did absolutely nothing.
I hate admitting this at 34, but the atmosphere genuinely affected me. It got to the point where I accepted a temporary job in another lab while waiting to hear about funding to continue my own research with Keith.
When that funding came through, I had very mixed feelings. I was excited to continue the science, but I dreaded returning to what felt like an increasingly toxic environment.
A couple of weeks ago, I heard - confidentially - that Regina had requested a different supervisor.
I was honestly relieved. I assumed Keith had finally put his foot down.
Apparently not.
Yesterday, I heard that the rumour mill thinks that Keith and Regina had fallen out because Keith cheated on his wife with her, Keith hadn't left his wife, and Regina reported it to HR.
I don't know whether that's true, and I don't want to make decisions based on gossip.
But at this point, it almost doesn't matter if the rumour is true.
Even before hearing it, I'd already been asking myself, "How can I work for someone I'm losing more and more respect for every day?"
Honestly, I've thought for a while that I'd actually be ashamed to be thought of as a member of Keith's lab - it's one thing that drove me to take the job in a different lab.
To complicate things, I also feel indebted to him. He's never personally treated me badly. Quite the opposite - he's been consistently kind, supportive, and instrumental in my development as a scientist.
At the same time, I've become increasingly frustrated that a collaborator that I introduced for my research always contacts Keith rather than me, even though the project is in my area of expertise, not his. Keith always forwards the email to me, but the collaborator still emails Keith and doesn’t cc me.
This also isn't the first time Keith has developed unusually close relationships with PhD students. Before becoming a PI, he was already known for becoming very emotionally involved in mentoring students because of his "lab therapist" role.
Now I'm worrying about my own reputation.
Do other people just see another one of Keith's harem (albeit, one that's too old for him)? Someone just hangs around him rather than an independent researcher? The irony is that the funding that launched his lab was actually built on my PhD work.
I've also worried before that my friendship with Keith could look inappropriate from the outside because I've confided in him about personal things and I have cried on him over unrelated life problems.
However, one of the things I've confided in him about is that I'm not straight. I'm not fully ready to be compleltey out at work, though. However, this means that he and I know that my friendship with him is entirely innocent, and there's no romantic intent from my side. That's also one reason I'm reluctant to believe the affair rumours outright - I know firsthand that he's capable of having friendships with women that aren't romantic.
So at this point, I could really use some advice. Do I continue working with someone who has always treated me well but whose leadership I've increasingly lost confidence in? Or is this the point where I should cut my losses?
I'd really appreciate any thoughts, especially from people who've been in difficult PI relationships.