I'm so fucking scared of starting it
Reading about the side effects and withdrawals makes me think that my depression isn't bad enough to risk it... Only sometimes I feel suicidal, it comes and goes and is mostly because I can't do shit (ADHD).
I recently ruined once in a lifetime opportunity because I could not stop procrastinating no matter how hard I tried. I can't keep up with to-do lists or chores. I'm also looking for a job while reading everywhere about how fucked the job market is right now. Yeah I feel useless and it's hard to be optimistic.
My main issues are executive dysfunction, low motivation, low energy and sometimes anhedonia and brainfog, but there are days when I feel fine. One week I feel so tired, no emotions, everything feels so boring, I wanna die and the next I'm normal. I don't have anxiety anymore, rather the opposite, I'm quite apathetic, I fucked up so many times recently that I just don't care anymore. I sometimes think that I should try extreme sports just to feel something.
If I hadn't ruined so many opportunities with my inability to function consistently and just do shit, my mood wouldn't be so low. I also think that my depression will get much better once I get a job and have some purpose in my life back. But looking for a job is a chore in itself.
I thought that my issues are ADHD, but my doctor says that's just depression, and that I need to treat it first, before treating the ADHD. I do take Ritalin and sometimes it helps a lot and solves all of my issues for a few hours, but its effects are very inconsistent and I feel like it worsens the anhedonia and apathy. I hoped to try other adhd meds, but my doctor wants me to try antidepressants instead.
Do you think this is the right path?
Edit: I previously experienced a (short) withdrawal after stopping Wellbutrin cold turkey despite it "not having a withdrawal", so I'm wary. Also I've been reading that Effexor can make motivation and sleepiness worse? And take away (much needed for adhd) anxiety?