u/NaiveDefinition2949

This past weekend I went out with my friends. First time I had drank to go out socially since late march. I was super excited but at the same time super nervous to see everyone in my home time home from college. And I was also superrrr nervous that I would once again accidentally drink too much and black out. I say accidentally not in a way to pass blame off myself, but that in the moment, I feel fine. Until I wake up the next morning with 0 recollection of anything after the certain point of me feeling fine. I don’t think I’m an alcoholic because I don’t depend on it, I can be social without it, I don’t sneak drinks, and I definitely don’t drink everyday or crave it. But this past weekend all I know is that I woke up in my bed, and immediately went “fuck”. My friends had non stop called me asking where I went and what happened. Litterally like I just disappeared. No idea how I got home: checked uber & Lyft, no history of a charge or ride. Checked if I had called anyone or texted my parents asking to pick me up, nope didn’t do that either. And ZERO MEMORY AT ALL. scrapes on my elbows and knees, a cut on the inside of my lip and a superrr painful nose as if I faceplanted or something. No memory. Few hours later my mom told me I came home really intoxicated, and that my friend had to walk me to the door. My friends were texting me asking me where I was 😭😭😭 so whoever this “friend” was that walked my to the door and I guess drove me home- no clue.

In comparison to some of my friends who will drink a lot more than me and then be fine, I don’t know why I’m so susceptible to serious black outs. There is definitely a lot of shame behind this.