u/New-Register-219

Please do not just lock this post and arbitrarily classify it as mental health issues - I have sought counselling before, I will do so again if my situation deteriorates and I am largely functioning and looking after myself. I just need to vent a little online, locking my post does not help.

I was made redundant one year ago, not mass redundancies, just me.

Before being made redundant I was also consistently picked on and criticised.

Throughout this year I have tried my best to be active, to job-search, to volunteer, to socialise, and I have been largely able to do that. If anything, I can manage to be confident and presentable in social settings.

However, I can not let it go.

Nightmares

Despite knowing being made redundant was not my 'fault' and there was a lot of office politics, I continue to have nightmares from time to time - of my previous employer talking to me, looking at me critically.

Or sometimes they would praise me and smile at me - the kind of recognition I yearned so much, but have not been able to get from them despite being extremely loyal and hardworking.

Feeling unfair

The colleague who 'backstabbed' me drove me out, got my job and seems to be thriving.

(Again I'm only listing a fact and have not included any personal details here, so please do NOT lock my post).

It's a small circle and from time to time I continue to see him with my ex-employer in industry networking events, every time I'm actually hit very hard despite acting normal.

At the end of the day, I accept that quiet achievers can be invisible and may not be rewarded.

But people who are vicious and backstab seem to be more and more successful - I can not accept it and it gets me. It is just so unfair.

By the way - Prior to this I have not been made redundant but had other employment troubles. I didn't care about that job and simply moved on. This redundancy hit me hard because I genuinely saw it as my dream job and devoted a lot of blood, sweat and tears to it - and was made redundant.

Look, I'm sick and tired of the nature of 'corporate' and more importantly, human nature.

What is human nature? You ask me.

It's animal behaviour. It's cosy-ing around the powerful, it's trodding on the weak.

When you join a new job, things are usually professional and courteous. No matter how nasty the colleagues actually are, there will be some sort of genuine interest in your qualifications and experiences, even what you do on your weekends, etc.

As that job drags on, people will increasingly 'dismiss' each other. Just like the shine in a marriage wearing off.

As that job drags on even more, people will even be disparaging of each other. And apart from some extremely capable individuals, most of us are mundane. So we are overlooked for promotions, sneered at by our colleagues, our jobs 'despise' us and we 'despise' our jobs.

I have had this happen to me in every job and in every walk of life. Some slightly better than others.

In the meantime, I actually haven't changed. I consistently perform BUT could feel people's disrespect.

Now it doesn't help when I'm a non-white female from a CALD background. I think white blokey men may have an easier corporate life.

I am sick and tired of corporate life, of human nature.