u/New_Citron_3736

i really don’t know what to do. i have been inquiring orthodoxy for months and was only able to visit liturgy one time after literally having the hardest time convincing my parents. i’ve gotten to a point where I don’t want to go to my church because I just feel like everything is wrong. I’m also feeling the furthest from God I’ve ever felt. I already struggle with doubt & anxiety. I always felt my faith wasn’t as strong as others. Now I’m struggling with the same sin, even falling into something which I was able to stop for over a year. this doesn’t help when i’m already feeling so far from Him. maybe it’s the ADHD but now i’m struggling more than ever with focusing on scripture reading. i want to keep visiting the orthodox church and talk to a priest but idk how without explaining to my parents why I’m inquiring orthodoxy when in every conversation they just make me feel like i’m confused. how am i supposed to actually experience the church when they discourage me from going without someone who is “mature in the faith” the only people they’d trust me to go with often have conflicting schedules with the liturgy times which is why it took months to even plan my first visit in the first place. am i not an adult who can make my own decisions? im already dealing with the anxiety that comes with possibly leaving protestantism for orthodoxy. i am heavily involved in my church which is very small. i’m also afraid that my departure will reflect badly on my father who is the pastor. i’m afraid i’ll be letting down my family who helped to literally build the church, but I don’t think I’m spiritually growing there. I don’t even know if God’s presence is there. we don’t have the eucharist. i don’t know why i feel so stuck right now. i feel like i don’t know how to pray or listen for God’s voice. i don’t know why i feel so helpless when some people may be literally risking their lives for inquiring orthodoxy. i don’t know what God’s plan is for me, but I pray i can persevere through this somehow to come to the truth. all i want is to have a real relationship with Christ and to know Him more intimately and learn how to love Him even more. idk what to do. please pray for me.

Hi, I’m 21F and I’ve been inquiring into Orthodoxy for several months now. I was raised baptist and i’m a PK and I’m honestly afraid to talk to my parents about my inquiry even though I’m sure it’s kind of obvious by now…actually the visit is super complicated for this reason.

So, I originally tried letting my parents know I wanted to visit 6 weeks ago. The church is like a 15 minute bus ride down the road, and I reached out to an acquaintance who used to go to the same university as me about visiting because he was also a Protestant convert recently baptized into the church. They strongly advised me not to go alone because, I don’t know anyone there, the tradition is super unfamiliar and my dad who is my current Pastor believes someone more spiritually grounded should be present so that I’m not easily swayed or influenced if something goes wrong since I’m still searching and growing in my faith. The complication is that, the only person really available to go with me is my dad and even though they finally agreed to let me visit tomorrow, I will have to leave early with my father so he can make Sunday School in time. I’m really upset about this because I wanted to at least experience the full liturgy for my first visit and also possibly speak with the priest. Also while talking with my father yesterday, he said “Now, don’t make this a regular thing” because it’s obviously a conflict with his schedule…but like, how is it fair that I can’t even actually get to experience it. Am I not an adult ? I understand their concern to a degree, but it’s really frustrating me. I’m also not very good as articulating a lot of my questions or concerns that have led me to inquire into apostolic traditions, so past conversations have kind of become heated without my intentions because I feel like they aren’t understanding where I’m coming from. Why does it seem like so many things are blocking me from actually experiencing the church?

I’m both really excited and terrified to visit tomorrow. I don’t really know what to expect, also since men and women are separated I won’t even be with my Father, so I’m not sure how that will work out if we’re supposed to be leaving early. I ask for your prayers please, I don’t know if there’s anything more I should do to prepare.