u/Nilaxann75

at 19yo during pandemic I broke up with my gf, I was lonely, then I learned to code on my old pc, without a mouse, not even internet (if i needed something from the internet I had to buy data and search it on my phone), a really poor house (technically speaking), I built my first game using c++ without ides, linters or AI, I was discovering stackoverflow but I built most things from scratch just to find out a long time later that there was a library for that.

I have never been somebody with special abilities, i dont know how to play an instrument, how to play soccer or any sport, Im not even an extrovert. I grew up in a house where everyone used to cheer for my sister because of her artistic skills, it was something... tangible that people could appreciate, most of the things I used to do were things that... nobody in my family understood and I dont blame them, I was the first professional in that house, they are really good people but I was mostly known as "the brother that keeps playing on his computer"

I never learned about clean code, never read a book about how to write code, It was just something that i could do naturally and I improved my code by myself. When I joined university I thought I was gonna find a challenge, It never happened, not even when I left with 1 year to go. I never found any of that really hard, I preferred to invest myself in personal projects, learning something new, a new tech, a new language, a new pattern, a new way to build a library, doing reverse engineering. I left university one year after finding my first job, I joined with my friend, both as junior devs, she was always stressed, never understood anything in the codebase, I was... happy, a lot of code, most of the things I did were refactors and really big things. I loved to code, there was always something to improve.

Now Im 25yo, tech lead at a big company, cant write code (because of the role), So I use to spend my time on personal projects, coding really hard, I use copilot because it is just a code completion tool, I really like it , but at the start of this year I discovered Claude and my projects turned into a frenzy, everything was going super fast, but I didnt understand most of what was being written. Im starting to rethink why Im here, I enjoy the process, not the result, I dont really like to build products, I just like to write good code and admire it...

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Obviously there is no pay for writing good code, or even looking at it, stakeholders dont stare at your code like art, they dont care about it, they just want things shipped fast, I dont like it. I hate what AI is pushing me to do.

Im tired of pretending this is were I belong, this is not anymore the world I wanted to be part of. Maybe I just wanna be an artist

I am building a local-first application using a database-per-user pattern (PouchDB locally, CouchDB remotely)

I now have a new requirement: two users with distinct databases need to share specific data. A document owned by User A will be shared with User B, but User B also needs to view related documents/relationships that reside exclusively in User A's private database.

What is the recommended architectural pattern or approach in CouchDB/PouchDB to sync or expose selective relational data across isolated user databases without granting full access to User A's entire database?

The 3 years that I have been a dev I almost never did this, I am not an extrovert person and I had resigned my self that I was gonna be a dev forever, because talk to people is not my speciality. Im a very tech person, when I was a dev I didnt care about the user stories, I usually used to take the tech debt or tech stories, and Im not gonna lie, I was lazy. But keep updated with the latest technologies, patterns, frameworks updates was my passion, I always wanted to make changes on my teams project and someties I proposed cross-cutting solutions but nobody really give a damn.

This year the company posted a job for national tech lead (new position on the company with presence on the whole country with devs arround the states). I said "okay, I would like to see my level", you can imagine my surprise when I got selected. Honestly this is like a dream, and this promotion really got me. I could not believe what I was living, I could finally use the 100% from my capacity making PoCs, discovering new technolgies and implementing cross-project solutions, at least that was how I imagined the role.

Have been almost half year on the role and Im now exausted, not because of the hard work, because this is not what I thought, but dont get me wrong, I really like it, Im out of my confort zone, learning new things, new ways to work, manage people, etc. but that is the problem, Its like a people management role. I as a tech lead CANT write code, this is a rule that applies also to the architects.

I really miss writing code, I talked to my superior, they told me they could make and exception if I venture into a team to coach them, the first week I refactorized the whole project, thaught them the lineaments and made follow to their changes, It was very satisfing writing code after a long time, but after that i could never do it again, because I didnt have to impact on their sprint results.

Recently i have started a meeting with all the devs that Im gonna have once a month, I talked about all we are gonna do together, share experiences, I was gonna help them to make PoCs, implement cross-projects solutions and standarize solutions that they could propose, but nobody really seems interested (at least 4 or 5 from 70+). Me as a tech lead cant write code, but i can "delegate" tasks to "volunteers", because I cant interfiere on their sprints capacity, and thats the cherry on the cake, my role doesnt have autority above anybody, if I want to make an PoC I depend on my devs capacity, I have to ask one per one if they wanted to make it and sell them the product to see if somebody want to do it. My role is to influence people without autority.

Its very frustating because my role is very lonely, Im not on a dev level but neither on the architect level, I feel like I dont belong with anybody, some architects understimate me and the devs overstimate me, Most of the time I feel like Im the only one from the devs that have time to propose new solutions, and I have to beg people to take a tech story, a PoC, etc. Often the architects or COE add me on meetings architecture related and I really enjoy being there, oftenly I cant say anything (because Im not at that level), when is something related to implementation or project management I really interact there.

Honestly dont know what to do. It feels like everything I've learned so far is useless now. I have spent nights looking at an empty note with nothing on my mind or crying because I really dont know how to handle this job. I feel like they made a mistake when promoted me, but this is an unique oportunity to show an grow like never, I dont wanna waste this oportunnity, what should I do??