u/No-Credit-6920

Hi everyone,

I'm from the UK and I'm currently staying with my Japanese girlfriend and her parents in Kumamoto for around two months before I start work back in Leeds in September.

I studied at Waseda as an exchange student 2 years ago and it was amazing, some of my fondest memories. I also met my girlfriend in Tokyo while I was there too! I've travelled around Japan too and absolutely loved it, but this is my first experience actually living in a Japanese household, and I'm finding it much harder than I expected.

One of the biggest things has been the food. Every meal has been made from frozen or ready-made packets. For example, frozen ebi chilli, frozen pari pari yakisoba, processed ham, frozen vegetables, etc. I was expecting more home cooking from fresh ingredients, but so far that hasn't really happened. I don't mean convenience food occasionally, I mean almost every meal. Perhaps this is just a fairytale image I have of Japanese households.

I also struggle with the house itself. It's much messier than I'm used to, and there is stuff everywhere, it's very overstimulating. I understand sometimes a messy house can't be helped from time to time, but 24/7 is too much, I'm a firm believer that your house is very much like your mind, and when it's cluttered and messy it's hard to think and opperate properly. The kitchen smells strongly of cooking oil since things are rarely washed, things are usually cooked in oil quickly and then just wiped with a paper towel since next time they'll just be used with oil again, so I don't really enjoy being in there. It also makes it difficult to feel motivated to cook myself some food that I would enjoy - or even cooking for everyone if it means better quality food is made.

Another thing I've noticed is the lifestyle. Both of her parents only work a couple of days a week, and when they're home they spend the day watching TV or scrolling on their phones. They don't really seem to have hobbies or interests outside that. Family meals aren't eaten together, and I rarely hear meaningful conversations like "How was your day?" or questions that show interest in each other's lives.

My girlfriend's mum is also very protective of her, even though she's an adult, and sometimes extends that protectiveness towards me too. It can feel a little overbearing at times.

I kind of had this image of spending summer in Japan, spending time to get to know her parents, cooking some great Japanese food with her mum and spending some time in the kitchen bonding, but it's totally not like that at all, my life is very lackluster when my partner is at work. Furthermore, we're stuck in the outskirts of Kumamoto, and there's no decent public transportation that's affordable so I can go out and do things, especially given that we're in tsuyu, so I'm finding it hard to find things to do with my time.

I'm aware that I'm only seeing one family, and I don't want to assume this represents Japan as a whole. At the same time, it's making me question whether my expectations were unrealistic.

I suppose my questions are:

• Is this fairly typical of Japanese households, or is this more specific to one family?
• If you grew up in Japan, does any of this sound familiar to you?
• Any suggestions of how I can adjust?

For context, I don't think my frustration is only about the family. I'm also in an awkward period of life, I've finished university, I'm waiting to start work in September, my girlfriend is working most days, and I have a lot of unstructured free time. I suspect that's amplifying how I feel.

I'd really appreciate honest perspectives, I'm genuinely trying to understand whether this is simply one family's way of living or whether my expectations are very different.

PS - my Japanese level is completely fine and I have no problem communicating with them, so there's no language barrier.

Edit - I think some context is needed. I have a job in London starting in September as an investment banker, so I'm not living here full time. I finished university a month ago, and I figured that it would be an interesting experience to spend my summer with my girlfriend in her hometown, and of course I really wanted to see her again.