I just simply hate living life in my age.
Yeah so... I'm 17, about to be 18 soon? Idk, everyone, especially my mom tell me, that my birthday is nowhere close. And that I'm definitely not turning 18 yet in a looooong time.
So yeah, I know. Very damn well it's a little under 6 months till it. But I'm constantly so contradicted about life.
Sometimes I'm obviously too young to do anything, and then sometimes already old enough to carry some sort of responsibility over things. But STILL I'm constantly being treated like a child. And so I of course feel like a goddamn child most of the time. It's messing with my brain constantly, I don't know how should I see myself?
Obviously there's no help in also not looking anything like my age. Being short, having young features, that stupid stuff. And I constantly talk about it, it's a massive insecurity of mine. And I'm genuinely scared, that whenever I actually will be considered an adult, I won't be able to treat myself like one.
People that look similar age to me, or are taller and more mature looking than me, they're often years younger than me. I HATE IT. I try constantly looking more mature. But then I end up feeling like a kid in big girl clothes... Like I constantly have to put on an act, just so I could seem somewhat my age.it genuinely sucks so much, like sometimes I'm allowed to drink alcohol normally, nothing more than a cider, but it's helpful, makes me feel more grown. Sometimes I get so damn ashamed when my mom has to remind me, that I'm still very much underage and have no business touching their 18+ drinks... Anyone see why I feel contradicted constantly?
Well, yeah, this was some venting, huh? If you read this, thank you, and honestly, I don't mind words of advise, or just reassurance in general.
Edit: Sooo, seemingly I didn't reach the correct audience, which I mean. I did predict it. But I wasn't talking about anxiously waiting to be 18, this is NOT what my feelings were about. I'm more scared because it's not far from here and I can't even really embrace childhood anymore. More like I don't even want to, because I'm not a child anymore. Sure I'm under the age of eighteen which "technically still totally qualifies as a child" but frick that. I'll have so much trouble adjusting into adulthood the longer I see myself as a child.