The woman from my childhood nightmare died on my operating table
I don't know if this was just an extremely vivid fever dream, a false memory, or something else entirely.
I was around 5 or 6 years old. Even after all this time, it's still one of the clearest memories I have from my childhood. I was at a mall with my mother and father. It was just a normal day. My mom was shopping while my dad and I followed her around. We were playing and messing around while waiting for her to finish. At some point, I suddenly needed to pee.
My dad took me to look for a restroom since my mom was in the middle of shopping. For some reason, we couldn't find one. I remember this wasn't a mall we visited often, so we were kind of lost. Eventually, we ended up in what looked like the basement level of the mall.
I should probably mention that this mall was really old even back then. It's been demolished for years now.
That area was dimly lit and felt completely different from the rest of the mall. One side looked like a parking area, while the other seemed to be where delivery trucks brought supplies into the building. We weren't actually outside, but we were near the entrance to that area. There was a security guard standing there, so my dad asked if there was a restroom nearby.
The guard pointed toward a restroom sign farther down the basement area. At that point, I was desperate, so we didn't really have much choice. My dad let me go in by myself while he waited outside the entrance. I remember the restroom being pretty dark, but honestly, I didn't care. All I wanted to do was pee.
After I finished and came out of the stall, I noticed a woman washing her hands at one of the sinks. She had long hair and was wearing what looked like a Sunday dress.
I wasn't planning on washing my hands. I was a little kid and figured nobody would know anyway. But since she was there, I felt like I should.
I noticed there was a lower sink that was just the right height for me, so I went over to it.
I wasn't really paying attention to the woman, but I remember feeling like she was looking at me. Not just glancing at me. Actually staring. For some reason, I didn't want to look directly at her.
Looking back, I think I was already scared. The restroom was dark, I was alone, and there was a stranger standing there with me.
I remember wishing I had let my dad come inside with me. He had offered to guide me to a stall, but I insisted I could do it myself and told him to wait outside. The longer I stayed there, the more uncomfortable I felt.
I can't explain it very well, but it felt like she was getting closer. I never turned around to check. I just remember suddenly wanting to get out of there as fast as possible. The second I finished washing my hands, I ran. I practically sprinted out of the restroom.
When I saw my dad waiting outside, I felt so relieved. I immediately ran up to him and told him we should go back. He picked me up, and as we were walking away, I happened to look back toward the restroom.
The woman was standing near the entrance. Just staring at us. I don't remember her moving. I just remember her watching.
Once we got back to the main part of the mall and found my mom, I finally relaxed. The rest of the day was completely normal. Eventually, I forgot all about the woman.
At least until later that night.
When we got home, I became sick with a fever.
I remember lying in bed feeling hot and exhausted before eventually falling asleep. Then I found myself somewhere else. The best way I can describe it is that I was inside a room made of flesh. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that's exactly what it looked like.
The walls fucking moved around me it was like i was inside a damn womb again . Everything seemed to pulse and squirm. It felt like I was sitting inside somebody's intestines. Naturally, I started freaking out. I remember crying and trying to get out. The whole room felt disgusting. It was warm, wet, and alive somehow.
What scared me most was that I was completely alone and had no idea where I was. I remembered crying so much i blacked out. When i woke up i could see trees , i found myself in a forest then I saw people nearby. There were four people wearing black robes and around ten to fifteen people tied together in a line.
At first, I thought they were prisoners. Then I got a better look. They looked tortured. Some were crying, some were barely standing.
I quickly hid near the side of the cave where I could still see them without being noticed. That's when I saw her. The woman from the restroom. She was standing with them.
The people who were tied up had strange symbols carved into their skin. They looked like they had been cut there with knives. Honestly, describing them as beaten or tortured doesn't really do them justice.
Some looked like they were degloved. Some appeared amputated. Others were so badly injured that they barely looked human. And the smell...
I don't know how I could smell something in a dream, but I could. It was awful. The most putrid even till now. I haven't smelled anything worse. I have no idea why I stayed there watching. Maybe because I recognized the woman or maybe because I was too terrified to move.
The two robed figures at the front of the line seemed to be searching for something around the cave. The other two stayed behind the people who were tied up. The cave itself wasn't some huge opening. It was the kind of cave where you wonder why cave divers would willingly crawl inside.
Then the woman looked directly at me. At first, I almost didn't recognize her. She looked different somehow.
If it wasn't for her long hair and those hollow eyes, I wouldn't have realized it was the same woman from the restroom. Then we made eye contact and she pointed at me. The robed figures immediately turned in my direction. later, I realized something strange about that moment.
She never said a word. Nothing was covering her mouth. Yet she never spoke. She only ever pointed. The robed figures started moving toward me.
I could barely see their faces as they dragged me away. I could sense confusion from them, but they tied me up anyway. I found myself at the back of the line, tied by the neck just like the others. I remember crying my eyes out because I really didn't want to go back into that cave.
I pleaded and pleaded, telling them that I wasn't supposed to be there, but it was no use. I was stuck in that damn line while the two robed figures continued searching for something.
Eventually, they found it. A small wooden door, heavily chained shut. The door slowly opened as they pried the chains away. As soon as it opened, the line began moving.
One by one, the people dropped onto all fours and started crawling through the small opening.
Earlier, I described how putrid the people smelled, but the stench coming from that opening was somehow even worse. It smelled like every rotten thing imaginable had been mixed with feces and packed inside that cave.
The smell was so overwhelming that even now, over twenty years later, I can still remember it. The line slowly moved forward. Closer and closer to the opening.
And just before it was my turn to enter, everything went black.
The next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital bed with my parents sitting beside me. I later found out that I had been unconscious for three days because of dengue fever. After that incident, life went on.
Every now and then, though, I would remember that dream and end up feeling sick to my stomach. Sometimes I would even throw up. Nonetheless , I grew up like any other kid but i wouldn't deny that it did fucked me up. I never mentioned any of these to anyone even my parents i buried this deep into my memories then eventually fulfilled my dream and became a doctor.
For years, I convinced myself it was nothing more than a fever dream. Maybe it was a weird lucid dream ? You know those weird dreams you have when you have a fever . I don't even know how could a child that age can even come up with those concepts. But i long forgotten it.
But then something happened recently.
I saw her. I saw that woman. She looked exactly the same as the last time I saw her. She was my patient.
She was rushed into the ER covered in severe injuries, with those same strange symbols carved into her skin. There she was, lying on my table. I tried to save her. I really did. But the trauma was simply too extensive. Her body gave out before we could stabilize her. I wanted to ask her so many questions , just to make any sense about it.
She had multiple fractures, extensive soft tissue injuries, and signs of prolonged abuse. Some of her injuries were unlike anything I'd ever seen in my career.
One detail in particular still messes with my head, but I don't feel comfortable describing it. She had been found in a public place and brought to our hospital. The fact that she arrived alive at all was a miracle. She was admitted as a Jane Doe. No identification. No wallet. No phone. Nothing.
The police took over the investigation almost immediately. I wasn't supposed to know anything beyond what was necessary for treatment. Every time I tried asking questions, I got the same answer.
"It's being handled."
But that only made it worse. I haven't slept properly since. I can't get her out of my head. I don't even know where to begin. I don't want to think about it, but the questions keep coming. I can barely bring myself to go to work anymore. And now I can't stop thinking about it. About the dream. About the cave ,those symbols.
About her.
And about the fact that she looked exactly the same as she did twenty years ago.
Am i going to end up like her ?
I wish i could forget it all it doesn't even make fucking sense. I sound crazy as hell , maybe i am who knows but i don't care anymore . I just want to get this off my chest. I'm now seeing a psychiatrist the fear and anxiety is slowly killing me. I don't know if i ever want to dug deeper into this.
My head fucking hurts just writing this. I had altered and didn't mention some information that would better explain why I'm freaking out about jane doe for privacy reasons especially she was still a patient.
May she rest in peace.