u/No_Loss_2694

Hello to you all. I am laid in bed now wondering about the phobia as per usual again. I am severely emetophobic and it’s ruining my life and I am sick and tired of it. Is it possible, has anyone reached the point where you just said fuck it, I am gonna live despite it, so what if I will throw up? Therapy does not work on me and I feel like I am dwelling on everything so much. I have always had the phobia but it wasn’t neaaarly as bad as it is now. I feel like I keep putting myself in this constant loop of thoughts and I am tired of it. I just wish one day I could wake up and say fuck it, I am done, let the phobia be there but I will live.

Hello everyone. I need to share this with someone as I am embarassed to talk about it to my family and friends, I don’t feel like they fully understand the scope of my issue. I have had emetophobia for as long as I remember, when I was very little I got diagnosed with GAD. I also suffer from recently diagnosed OCD which manifests itself in various ways. I have tried to change my thinking, to expose myself. I was not even doing so horribly these past few years but last year I caught noro, then one time my boyfriend got drunk and threw up directly in front of me. Those two things seemed little at first but they made me feel worse than ever. I have been spiraling since last year. I really do think I would rather die than be sick again. I am constantly nauseous, constantly thinking about whether I am gonna vomit or not, no matter what I am doing, where I am etc. it takes me an hour on the usual longer to go to work as I have to stop and walk around because I feel so nauseous from the anxiety. Surprisingly, it’s a high functioning emetophobia - I can go out to eat or go to crowded places. It’s extremely horrifying but I make myself do it. Somehow, that doesn’t help. Every time I do something and feel anxious it just makes me feel exhausted and even worse. I am so so tired of life, of this constant worry. I have tried self help books on that topic, have tried therapy, am currently on SSRIS. Every single day all I think about is dying to never have to deal with it again. I don’t have the courage to actually harm myself but my suicidal thoughts persist every single day all the time. I am a shell of a person, I don’t enjoy anything. I simply do it because I have to. I hate food, I hate going out of the house, I never feel safe or calm. Living like this has made me extremely depressed and burnt out. I fear I don’t have much left in me. Is recovery even possible in my case? I feel crazy. I feel hopeless and just so so tired.

I am so young and have endless posibillities and everything gets ruined because of this stupid phobia. I am now stuck on the train platform not being able to get on the train because I have convinced myself I am going to vomit. I can’t live like this. I want to die