Gameplan: Where do I start?
TLDR: Have limited overtly destructive habits but I still find myself self-sabotaging and chasing dopamine/pleasure/comfort and no hard work. Need to figure out how to start that I won't quit after 4 days. I know it is up to me but any advice is welcome.
My dopamine addiction started as a young teenager addicted to porn/jerking off and social media. For 10 years + my self esteem and motivation was systematically destroyed and I have lost all confidence in myself. Somehow I managed to graduate college, get a well paying remote job, and marry a beautiful woman, but despite these external successes I am an abject failure in all of my daily tasks. My apartment is constantly a mess, I feel like I am at the brink of loosing my job, and I am incapable of supporting my wife in her separate but equally challenging mental health struggle. My physical health is poor for a 25M, overweight, no sex drive despite normal T and no recent porn use, generally I don't eat well or take care of myself.
Currently I spend about 10 hours a day during time I should be working and doing chores playing internet games and social media on my laptop. I have restricted porn use but it required me getting rid of my smartphone and instead getting a Wisephone (dumb phone with slightly more features) but I have not been able to control my urges to bypass filters and use social media/games.
I feel like I have no self control, accountability, or follow through. I procrastinate everything to the last minute. Every time I try to implement one healthy habit it rarely lasts more than 2-3 days before I resort back. I am desperate to build some reliability and shake this self-sabotaging cycle.
Anyone have good recommendations for a software that will only let me check email/go to certain websites on my computer? I am beginning to consider trying to go completely offline except for my job but I am afraid that will only encourage misuse of company property as I do work from home and have little accountability.