An open thank you letter to Karina
Need to get this out and don't know anybody who watches Drawfee IRL so I made a reddit account to put this here:
Karina was my favorite Drawfee host, full stop. Which isn't to say that I don't absolutely adore the others; I love all of them about as much as a person can love an internet personality they've never met and almost certainly never will. That said, Karina was always the one I resonated with the most--she's my exact age, I was born in Texas, I'm biracial, I'm LGBTQ, I went to an arts high school, I was a fandom kid; there's so much about her background, personality, and sense of humor that I can relate to. A big part of the reason I was drawn (hehe) to Drawfee in the first place is it reminded me of hanging out with my friends in high school and drawing stupid shit at lunch and poking fun at each other, and I believe Karina is a huge part of the reason the two felt so similar.
I didn't get into Drawfee until after they went independent, so I've only known pre-Karina Drawfee peripherally, and to me, her presence was really what made Drawfee, well, Drawfee. In fact, there was a good chunk of time that I wouldn't watch pre-Karina episodes, or even episodes without her in it; it was only after I'd exhausted the backlog of Karina episodes that I started to relax that rule. The idea of a Karinaless Drawfee was scary to me, at that time, and I felt that fear again when I heard the news today.
It hurts that she's leaving the show. There's really no better way of saying that, so I'm not going to try to find one. It hurts for a myriad of reasons. It hurts because something that brought me comfort during some very low points is changing, it hurts because someone I identified heavily with isn't going to be on my favorite friendship-simulator youtube channel anymore, it hurts because it feels like something ending, it hurts because I really learned a lot from Karina, in a weird way, like things about being unabashedly yourself, and not owing people things, and setting boundaries, and how big-titted furry boys are like, pretty damn hot, and how quoting Cascada in casual conversation is actually the funniest bit ever, and about how a lot of the things I'd been subconsciously ashamed about regarding myself were actually totally okay. It hurts because, even though I'll still support her and follow her career going forward, Karina on Drawfee had become a constant in my life, and now that's going away, and I'll miss it.
All that being said, though, I'm not here to wallow in that. I think it's easy to fall into sadness and speculation, especially in situations like this, where a big change happens suddenly and without explanation, and I'm trying really hard not to fall into that trap (my """therapist""" says that sort of thing """isn't healthy"""). I think a big part of the reason its so tempting to do so is because people, myself included, naturally crave closure of some kind, and when we don't get that closure, oftentimes we spiral. I thought I'd try to give myself the closure I want by expressing my gratitude for everything Karina has given us over the years, and by giving her as much of a send off as I, an internet rando who's never met her and likely never will, am capable of giving. So this is me doing that, or trying to.
Chances are that writing all of this out and posting it will be the internet equivalent of screaming into the void. However, on the off chance that Karina (or anyone related to Drawfee) sees this, I really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. The show you made and the art you made and the jokes you made helped me immensely during times in my life I was down, and made things even better during times I was up. It might sound silly to say about an internet show, but I don't think I would be the person I am now without getting to experience the work you did and the art you made. You, and the work and heart you put into Drawfee, helped me rediscover my creativity, you permanently changed my sense of humor, you helped me reexamine some of the more regressive thoughts I hadn't managed to correct yet (EDIT: we all have 'em, who needs 'em?), you taught me how to be cringe is to be free, and I cannot thank you enough for that. You touched my life, albeit from very far away, and I am eternally grateful for that. I hope the future is nothing but bright for you. Thank you.
That's about the sum of what I have to say on things. Thanks for letting me type paragraphs. Every time I doodle a hot character, or open a new document to start a fanfic or short story, or help build sets for my friend's theatre company, I'll know that I have Karina, in large part, to thank for it, and I will never stop being grateful for that.
And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly.