u/Odd_Confection_1108

I told myself that hiring this IFBB instagram famous coach would make me quit. She would see my body every other week and that would be embarrassing enough to make me quit. Long story short 2 months in I haven’t been able to quit. I have 2 very young children and I crack 6 days out of 7 still having drinks due to the stress they cause. I’m a stay at home mom and I do not have family to help take any of the load off. My break from my kids is school hours that’s it. Summer is approaching. I’ve only been able to not drink 3 days in a row before I crack. I told my coach I was quitting and yet I haven’t been able to keep that promise yet. I know my summer body will be disgusting especially in a bikini at the pool all summer with the kids who love the pool. Despite wanting to have abs this summer and feel comfortable in a bikini I can’t fight the nightly monster asking for a reward via alcohol. Short of rehab I fear I can’t stop. I’ve tried hypnosis, self help books, promises to myself, threats to myself, self hatred conversations, realizations of health risk. I don’t know what else to do. Please someone give me some magical advice.

Are there any fellow moms here who quit, and find themselves absolutely irritated with their children? I’m a mom of 2 and one is still a toddler. He called out mom 4 times in a row today just to say I love you, and I found it absolutely insufferable. I’m on day 10 no nicotine. Mind you he has loving moments throughout the day followed by calling me a loser, because I asked him to turn his tablet volume down. I had no side effects after quitting other than irritation which took me 10 days to figure out. Anyways I haven’t tried gum or patches yet, and today I went and bought a cheap vape before I realized I hadn’t tried gum or patches. I don’t know where I’m going with this other than to vent/ask advice. Parent replies only please.