It hasn’t f**ing gone away (TW)
So… 5 years ago now I overdosed reallllyyy hard in December. It’s left me with long lasting PTSD and I don’t think I’ll fully get over it. Like mentally I feel like I’m over it but like it just spirals sometimes lmao.
So… it was about 2:30 PM on an either a Thursday or Friday. I was in class high off my ass, like usual for me back then, BUT today was different… I brought a shit ton of pills I had never done before and decided to mix all of them together. I don’t suggest that chat… does not end very well. (DRUGS ARE BAD IN GENERAL PLS BE SAFE) but blah blah blah**.** So I was in class and I started feeling something. It felt amazing but just as the amazingness felt the random feeling of doom kicked in.
After this… I ended up having a lot of things happening to me. Seizures, think I flat lined at one point… and hallucinating (the worst part imo). The last thing I remember happening before coming back to reality was me pushing myself away from a desk. It was completely furnished and looked like your regular ol’ gaming station you’d have in your mid to late 20’s. I had pushed myself away from a screen that said “Game Over” on it in that old school 90s blocky text…
Ever since then, around the same time the OD happened, I would get this mild sense of derealisation but it would always go away within a month or two at the most. It had been almost 6 months since it hit me the first time and this shit just hasn’t gone away. Talked to my therapist, doctor, everyone and they all say “Oh it goes away eventually” and I say “Oh that’s some bull shit”.
Like… it’s to the point where I’m genuinely feeling mentally numb. And when it gets kinda bad I even feel physically numb… like I would slap myself and not even feel it… Hell I was half tempted to try smoking weed again but I’ve read that could make things worse :(