Coping with loss of progress
About 6 months ago, I was in the best form I've ever had in nearly 10 years of climbing. Nothing massively impressive, but I was really proud.
I've gained weight since then as last year I relapsed with anorexia and my climbing peak came around 6 months into recovery, when I'd got my nutrition back on track but gained very minimal weight. I'm probably up maybe 10lbs since then, and it's a healthier weight for me, but it's hard not to feel like it's making me weaker on the wall.
The last 6 months have been rough on me. I've been ill constantly, injured a couple of times. Eventually diagnosed with anaemia & low b12 (being treated) and currently being investigated for an autoimmune condition. Various personal stressors. I've had to take time off work recently for burnout.
I've been doing more outdoor climbing, and lead climbing, where before I mostly bouldered indoors and feel I'm stretching myself thinner and accomplishing less at everything. But I enjoy all of them.
Finally, my head game is just shit at the moment. It doesn't take much to just feel anxious or a bit hopeless and then I can't get up anything. I feel self conscious climbing with friends because I was one of the better climbers in the group and now I'm often the one falling off and giving up. Came home psyched today about a lead route I managed that I've been too scared to even try and my partner asked me about a couple of boulder routes I haven't done and I cried because 6 months ago I definitely would have done them and now I can't. I'm often failing because I'm just scared and I'm jumping off rather than falling, especially at the top.
I know I shouldn't care about grade chasing but I felt so bad ass on routes I'd watched the strong girls do before and now I feel the stuff I'm climbing is less fun. Anyone been here and able to commiserate?
Before anyone suggests it - I am in therapy lol.