AITAH For setting boundaries with my boss when she’s not in a good head space?
Since March I have been working for a jazz band doing graphic design, social media management, website development, gig/ booking scouting (you get the picture). pay is good and I enjoy what I do. With that being said, my "boss" (the singer) can be a lot to deal with at times.
Late last night, at 11:30pm, my boss messaged me asking if I could leave a quick online 5 star review for her sister's wedding cake business because they've both been distressed after receiving 3 negative reviews. Not thinking too much of it, I agreed to do the nice gesture and began shitting out of my ass (writing sweet things about someone IDEK)
My boss then comes back and says "Thanks so very much angel heart. Thats lovely I'm so grateful. Can you edit slightly?" So l ask Why and what's wrong with it.
"Nothing my sister has OCD. She's not well.
And she's sad about not being married. Actually can we make it something other than weddings?" I kid you not, this woman literally asked me to leave a fake positive review for someone who works with wedding cakes, who is sad about not being married, and apparently wouldn't want a fake review to mention weddings.
In response I said: "I mean No offence X, but if you wanted "a perfect review" left, you could have done it yourself or provided me with exactly what you wanted to be copied and pasted. I was asked to do a quick favour and I said nice things so Im going to leave it at that. I hope your sister feels better soon!" Then I exited WhatsApp and pretended to go to sleep because it was nearly midnight.
She didn't stop there, she continued to message me until 12:40am. I was taking screenshots of all the notifications and it's a good thing I did, because when I woke up this morning she deleted all 34 messages she had sent after my last reply.
So I sent her a message this morning saying:
"Good morning (her name),
Please Correct me if I'm wrong, but Waking up to 34+ deleted messages gives me the impression you said somethings you regret?
That, along with asking a favour just before midnight and continuing to do so after l've fallen asleep is quite unusual behaviour.
I'm going to ask that you refrain from contacting me at such a late hour going forward, Its highly unprofessional.
Thank you."
She was not too happy about this. " (My name) we've often worked during late hours. I'd appreciate you show more empathy. I was explaining my current health"
4/34 messages were her explaining her health, it was mostly still trying to get me to edit the review, followed by saying my message offended her, plus asking me to work in person with her on Thursday (which she knows I can't do)
Her next message says "I'm too unwell now to have this discussion. My immediate team have it in their hands. My work week has been cancelled due to acute trauma.
It is best you hand the website over to (other workers name) as she is acutely aware of my conditions.. Following a tresspasser assaulting me and my privacy being leaked. And my drummer suddenly quitting. l've cancelled the entire week ahead. And am in a litigation battle For personal injury Sustained. So it's not personal. I've got a lot on my plate and am not in my professional head space as I am burnt out. Waiting for my therapist to call me today. I have been deleting messages as I am still traumatised my the privacy breach.
Nothing to do with you, trust is very shaky at present and I don't wish to over share my vulnerabilities via text"
Interesting contradiction she made at the end there... (she deleted that message after I sent my last reply as well)
“I understand your health and wellbeing is not in the best state at the moment, which is very unfortunate to hear.
But I trust you are currently self loving/caring in order to feel better and more like yourself again.
Note that I do not take words personally when it comes to professional relationships, which is what you and I have.
I hope your therapist is able to help.
All is forgiven. Please prioritise yourself. I do not want me setting boundaries to come across as being un empathetic at all and I apologise if it did. I can't imagine what you're going through, you heal at your own pace of course.”
And I’ve left it at that because what more can I say or do about this woman who’s clearly going through it and taking her emotions out on me unfairly.