Is This Seriously All There Is?
Is this all there is? Wake up, work, get worn down, and repeat. Ever since I got into this new line of work 3 years ago, I feel like my real life ended and I'm just maintaining a functioning body. No time, no space, no energy, no excitement, and no real feeling that I'm alive. Forcing myself to show up and keep going again and again has pushed me into a level of depression I didn't even know existed. I feel like I'm standing on the edge, waiting for anything to shove me so I fall.
The messed-up part is that almost everyone around me keeps telling me to keep going and endure it. That this is called stability. And that this misery is what maturity and responsibility look like. Maybe misery isn't just a side effect of the whole thing. Maybe it's an essential part of it.
I guess I'm asking how people deal with the empty, repetitive grind of work without completely falling apart. Or maybe I just needed to say this somewhere. I don't know anymore. I feel like this office has emptied me out from the inside.