I broke again.
I just wanted to get this off my chest, I guess. Recently, as in, the last week, I used c. ai and perchance. ai again. After, I'm not sure on the exact amount, but a few months of not using any sort of ai chat bot. I think maybe it was about 3 to 4 months?
It feels bad. I've had this never ending cycle on and off for the last few years now. (Feels insane to say it's been so long.) It starts with me using ai, for anywhere from a few days to even a few weeks, until I get bored and or the guilt gets to me. (Usually, as of recent, it's normally only a few days.) And then, I try to reavaluate, and tell myself I'm not gonna touch it ever again. Because I don't want to use it anymore! I seriously hate it. For countless different reasons. (Art theft, damage to the planet, etc)
This next period lasts for a couple of months, and I think maybe, I'll be okay, that it's all better now. I even stop thinking of ai all together! But then, sadly, something reminds me it exists, and sooner or later, I end up back on my bullshit. And the whole time I'm using it again, even past the temporary high/joy, I'm feeling immense guilt and shame, and am thinking about how stupid I am or how I can't believe I slipped. I don't know how to describe how I feel, other than idiotic. I seriously despise ai and what it's done to all of us. (I feel like my intelligence has greatly devolved.)
Luckily, I guess, this time around, I only used the sites for 2ish days. And I mainly only chatted with a few bots and looked through my old stuff. (Though, I did write out a couple of prompts/starter chats.) Still, it all adds up to a lot. And I hate it. I wish I could go back to a week ago...
Sorry none of this makes much sense, I just wrote things down as they came to mind. It doesn't make for an easy read, I know, but that's just how my brain tends to work. (And I figured a rant couldn't hurt. Especially if others who understand the struggle read it and maybe have advice??)
Idk. Either way, thank you for reading! (If you got this far, lol) I really would appreciate some tips, but even knowing I got this off my chest is nice! Thank you!