I’m officially a 32 year old loser.
Gonna spend the day eating Wingstop and playing Pokémon.
My mum still thinks I’m gonna have kids in the future, like I ain’t a complete fuck up. Like I ain’t ugly as hell and poor.
In the last year I’ve done 2 “courses” provided by my job centre, aimed at getting people back in employment + I did work experience at a huge media company.
The last “course” was in catering and I completed it very recently. It was supposed to end with a guaranteed job interview but of course, with this being the UK, I haven’t heard back from these people and have no means of contacting them. I probably won’t even get a certificate for doing this idiotic “course”.
I’m a university graduate, have worked MANY hospitality and retail jobs in the past, have marketing experience as well as creative skills… yet I’m forced to do courses for 15 year olds because the job crisis is so bad here.
No one in this country will interview a 30+ year old NEET, yet alone hire them. If you’re black (with an ethnic name to match) and ugly like me, then it’s even worse.
I’ve unwillingly been a NEET from 2019-2022 and then 2022 to now.
It’s fucking INSANE that someone with my CV can’t get a job and I’m in the same situation as students or adults who have never worked a day in their lives.
This country is a fucking joke.
Been skinny my whole life, to the point where as a teenager, my mum would always make comments on my weight and “friends” would laugh because I didn’t have much muscle. Since age 16 I’ve had on and off periods where I regularly attended the gym, with the most successful period being when I was 25-27.
The saddest thing is that back in 2021 I was getting very toned, but then I had a health issue in 2022 which made me bedbound for the next year and I basically haven’t exercised since.
From age 18 to 28 I used to cook almost everyday. I was pescatarian for many years and then vegan for about 2 years, but then 1 year after that health issue I started eating poorly and quit all diets.
Fast forward the last 2 years and because I’m a NEET with no friends or family, I have zero reason to go outside. I only leave the house to visit my job centre which is once every 2 weeks (sometimes 3 or 4 weeks). I grew up poor (and still am), so I spent my whole life walking everywhere. Now I’m completely sedentary.
Over the last 2 years, I started ordering a lot of takeout. At first it was to try new foods (Japanese, Korean etc.) that I otherwise wouldn’t get to experience because I’m a loner and won’t ever be invited to restaurants. But now it’s just devolved into ordering junk food.
Now my stomach looks pregnant and protrudes 24/7, I even took a laxative to see if it would make a difference and it doesn’t. I’m always bloated.
I’ve become a skinny fat, (almost) 32 year old, NEET loser.
I guess this was bound to happen eventually but it sucks.
I still look slim everywhere else, but now I feel embarrassed to wear t shirts because of my stomach. I feel deep shame any time I look in the mirror after a shower.
I’ve had stomach issues since I was 18, so I even wondered if my bloating was due to having a stomach parasite like H Pylori, but I think I’m just a failure and my body has started to represent that.
What’s crazy is that I have a lot of weights and a bench in my room, plus an exercise bike that I bought for my mum years ago but I never use them anymore. I don’t have the energy.
I hate that my life has been ruined due to external factors and now I don’t even have the motivation to go for a 1 hour walk in the park (something I used to love doing prior to my health issue).
I truly am the worst example of a human being. Ugly inside and out. I’m pathetic.