i regret becoming a vet and i hate my job a lot, but i don't know what else to do
I am a 30F with 5 years of experience working in the uk. I moved here just after i graduated the uni in the middle of the pandemic. My first job was great up until the coroprate decided we're not meeting the goals. So they made multiple people redundant, blamed the clinical director that it's her fault and changed the clinical manager to the most evil person possible. I wokred hard and i worked a lot of overtime with writing my notes, referrrals and callbacks at home. I managed to escape to a different place which is independent, it's much busier with way more staff, but this place does it's own out of hours as an on call duty. I hate it. I cannot sleep even when i'm not called in, i struggle massively. I am not a surgical vet, meaning i don't like surgery and i don't want to do it, i'm scared of doing it and i'm not very good at it, but i know i have to do it to stay in my job (yes i've tried spay clinincs- did more bad than good for me), but it gives me a lot of anxiety. I feel as a person who's not confident in their skills i cannot expect anything from my employer, so i worry that if i request to be out of the on call dairy i will get fired.
My first plan was to spend some time in practice then try to do an internship and residency and do a non surgical specialty, but i've lost all of my will to learn and educate myself about new things or becoming a better vet. I don't feel like i care anymore.
This job made me dislike animals and triggers me every time i see pet videos online as i'm trying to look for what's wrong with them, also some people claiming that they're vets on social media sometimes say some really stupid things and it triggers me a lot.
I really want to quit the job, but my life in this country depends on it. I have tier 2 working visa and no other degrees or experience. I do not want to do anything connected with pets or animals overall, i do not want to touch any animals, no matter if pets or livestock. I feel stuck and i don't know what to do. I've looked through the " stay, go, diversify" group, but i cannot post there as some of my work colleagues are there and posts on the feed seem irrelevant to my situation.
I tried speaking to vetlife and i am in their counselling programme, but still sometimes i still feel like i should get rid of myself.