I don’t know what to do
Stage 2A NScHL survivor, 1.5 years in remission.
This is a bit of a rant or a vent, I just don’t know what to do with myself. From the way I look at things now, I used to be handsome. I used to have people who wanted to interact with me. I think my look now makes me look standoffish to everyone else, I’m like a completely different person.
I tried going bald for a bit, but damn near everyone turned it into a joke. Gru, Uncle Fester, Walter White. I tried playing it off like it didn’t affect me, but I kept getting the same comments. I tried growing my hair out, tried rogaine, biotin, microneedling, but none of that worked. I don’t think I’ll ever be handsome again.
Maybe I needed humbling, I’m not sure. It sucks having to fight a six month long chemo routine just to lose my hair and dignity at the end of it. I feel pathetic. I think more than anything, I miss the person I used to be. I was a risk-taker and my life felt like it was only facing upward.
I really want to find a way to fix it all, even if everything else has failed. I have my own place to myself now, and I have a degree I look forward to getting next month. I do want things to look forward to accomplishing. But having cancer threw a wrench into a lot of my plans, so that’s partly why I feel stuck in this rut.