Trying to come back after 13 years. Quite out of shape.
Hi everybody! I hope you're doing great. I am trying to come back to ashtanga after 13 years in which my body really took the toll and I am alone in this. I thought about reddit. Hoping to get some advice / encouragement. It would make me so happy.
I discovered Ashtanga yoga by mere chance in 2012 and, when it comes to my health, mobility, lack of pain, and energy, it was the best year in my life. I was younger. Everything felt easier, etc. My teacher knew I'm very agnostic and he gave me a lot space, didn't impose anything. Everything he said was meant to engage curiosity. Sadly, life happened. Work. Then he became a chaman and traveled the world. I didn't even try to look for another place and like many things in my life, it disappeared from my life. I am diagnosed with ADHD and am practically immune to whatever pill they throw at me, so I just know things come to my life, then they go, and I'm ok with that. But Ashtanga is something I want in my life again.
I gained like 2 pounds a year. Very slowly, but relentlessly. Im 5 7 (43, male) and I weigh 220 pounds now. It's not the end of the world, and losing it is doable. But again, life tends to happen and I am just a witness. I wanna take control again. I've been going through the motions for a decade, isolated myself, became a houseplant.
2 years ago I had long covid with fibromyalgia. It was hell, but luckily I tend to have more good days than bad days now. I lost both my mom and dad and I don't even know how to exist. Recently my every joint was in pain. As I know it's "just" fibro / ME/CFS, I knew doctors would just try to give me anti convulsants or tricyclic antidepressants to turn off my nervous system and make me gain more weight, like it happened before. My only chance was to get off my butt. Thankfully, these days have been somewhat good and I unrolled my mat and tried a few sun salutations A and B. After a whole decade. I would lie if I say I didn't cry. Everything hurt. I couldn't slow my breath. My belly feels and IS heavy. It crashes on the mat. I'm out of of breath. I lose my balance. I have an oxymeter and make sure my heart rate doesn't elevate too much. That was 2 days ago. I let my body recover and I tried again today, with good lighting and ambient music that I could barely hear. I made it halfway through with a lot of problems. I keep forgetting the asanas and the order, even though I have kept the guide my teacher gave me. I know I should go to a class, but I want to gain some confidence first. I know it's silly. But I need to do it in my home knowing that I can take all the time in the world to rest. But I do need help with posture and all that. So I did a google search and found a place nearby.
Sorry for the long text, I'm just trying to save my life. And I'm scared that I won't be constant and forget about it again. If anyone went through something like this, or want to share their experiences or recommendations, I would be really happy. At the least, I would not feel that I am alone in this. A simple "this is normal, it will get easier as it got easier before" will help. I know it. But I need to hear it.
I want to live again.
A second chance.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Bless you all.