u/Overall_Crow_4882

Wrote this down after a hard workout, thought of the idea in the middle of it. Also pulled from Albert Camus with the Sisyphus reference. Feel free to discuss:

What’s the point in living if I’m not dying one day at a time? It’s not really life if I don’t come face to face with what feels like death. Now I’m not saying be reckless with your precious life, which you only get one chance at; I’m saying make it all count. Find your limits. Then go past them. Honestly, what is living but your life rapidly speeding toward inevitable death? That’s a pretty bleak reality, but it’s still our reality. If I’m not dying everyday then my life isn’t being lived to the absolute maximum. Whatever I choose, I’m still slowly dying everyday. Now, I have the choice to spend my life scrolling my phone on the couch or out on a run in the 90 degree heat. Either way I’m still living my life, and in reality dying, every minute closer to real death. One must imagine Sisyphus happy. I am Sisyphus, but you need not imagine my joy — the grind, these small deaths that I die every day — they make me all the more alive. I appreciate fullness of life even more, and these sacrifices make me complete. I know the end, which is death, but I choose life through dying continually, so that I will never be with those timid souls too weak to test themselves or spend their allotted time on this earth in a way unfitting their true potential as a living human being. I have seen and felt and tasted defeat, and am stronger for it — have lived in more fullness of joy because of it. And in the end, I will rest, knowing that I made my death worth it by crowning it with my life.

Just had to get this one out. Wrote this in about 20 minutes. Here it is:

It’s such a funny feeling

Well, not truly funny I guess

Just tragic

Insane

Watching film, messing around in the gym while it rained overhead

He was there

Just another day

Another practice

Another night out with friends

You think you’re invincible til the world proves you wrong

And all that remains is a broken body in a hospital bed

“Wax me, mold me, heat the pins and stab them in … Wish that I was bullet proof”

Lights are shut off

Head now empty

That which was previously filled with dreams, aspirations, ideas

A soul

And I sit here, attempting to process

Not even best friend but still a real human I’ve known all my life

A living breathing feeling human

Was

You know, I slept over once

And we watched Texas chainsaw massacre

I was scared shitless

But looking back those were the days, young and innocent

Which he still was, only seventeen

And I try to laugh, to focus on the good

Because that’s just human nature

We dwell in the midst of tragedy and try to escape to a time and place that feels better

But comfort isn’t the answer

Not permanently anyway

I can’t run away from the truth

The reality that stares me in the face and will haunt us all for a good while

Think I’ll just sit down for a bit

Maybe sleep

Try to internalize

And just wallow in desperate grief

And think about how fragile a life really is

And what it means for one to end

Wish I could go back in time

Please God, just let me redo these last 24 hours

That’s all I would need

Stop him before he leaves, give him a hug

Tell him he’s not driving tonight

Time will go on without him

Our brotherhood one person short

Forever

And I just pray to the Lord that he made it

“Today you will be with me in paradise”

Please

Someday we will greet him again

An old friend

So I guess this is goodbye

But only for the time being

Not really a true poem but I don’t know what else to call it. Basically I just wrote down a stream of thoughts in my head, feel free to discuss what you think of it

Prom night, lights bright, there she is

Beautiful

I’m there, but never fully present

Unable to allow myself a real experience

Choking on the moment but lamenting its passing,
missing the lost time before it’s even gone

And I refuse to commit, refuse to act

And she is there through it all

Dancing alone, and so am I

But it ends, and we leave

Drive home to opposite sides of town

Windows down, some sad Smashing Pumpkins song on the radio

Breeze flowing through my hair as I drive moonlit streets

Ache in the back of my throat, wanting to cry

But why?

I don’t understand

I’m so small, insignificant, who am in this world?

I don’t know how to, but I yearn to be with her

Tears come, unbidden

I want

I need

Where is the fulfillment of social interactions?

I’m empty and wishing for a redo, but I know I’d be unable to change what I failed to do

Now I stand in the mirror, trying to get my face just right

Wondering if her smile was for me

Guess I’ll never know