u/Physical_Plastic138

And it’s the biggest relief. Our thoughts are not us.

I’m 32 and have struggled with rumination since I was 17. I’ve tried typical antidepressants and anxiolytic pharmaceuticals and while they worked, I felt sedated by the latter and anhedonic from the former. Coming off lexapro was also fucking terrifying.

But I was also becoming increasingly afraid of the fact that I had a rumination problem that wasn’t going away. Changes (and significant improvements) to my life circumstances weren’t resolving it, and it was beginning to seriously affect my life as a spouse, parent, and friend. The downstream effects were primarily cognitive exhaustion. This led to impatience, poor boundaries, anger, low self-esteem and poor self-efficacy. I could not separate myself from my thoughts and my subsequent emotions, and I’d retrospectively justify my poor behaviour and reactions because “my feelings are real”. They were real. But they arose only because of the maladaptive thoughts my mind was chronically generating and were not a reliable source of the “truth” about a matter.

My nervous system was completely and chronically overloaded. Terrible sleep quality, gastric discomfort, psoriasis flare ups, weakened immune system, hyper-vigilance, all of which compounded the cognitive exhaustion and emotional dysregulation. I felt completely helpless, and began having thoughts when I was extremely triggered of just wanting to fall asleep and never wake up.

I reached a point where I could no longer say with honesty that I didn’t need help. I could no longer justify my reactions and behaviours, but I also didn’t believe a less reactive or angry response was possible for me anymore.

You get the idea. 3 months later, after consistently taking creatine, magnesium glycinate and L-threonate, a herbal blend called neurocalm, taurine, and occasionally ashwaghanda, my experience of life is just completely different.

While these have likely had a direct impact on my thought processes and the underlying neural chemistry to profoundly quiet my thoughts and stall rumination altogether, the indirect effect of then having enough cognitive bandwidth to feel gratitude, to step out of the victim mindset and consider healthier perspectives, and to more proactively organise my day to include exercise, sauna, time outside, time off the phone and connection with loved ones has been life changing.

It’s just extraordinary (and an immense relief) to experience firsthand that our thoughts, which we identify with so fiercely and automatically, are nothing but manifestations of the chemical processes taking place in our neural network.

I saw some pretty foul behaviour at Perth Zoo yesterday.

Kids playing at the playground, and one kid (I later heard his mum say he was 3) goes up to another parent’s pram and pulls out a small stuffed toy and kicks it. Warranted a telling off.

But mum was onto it and immediately told him to stop and she puts the toy back in the pram. At the same time, the other mum (pram owner) yells STOP! That is NOT yours! And then starts berating the mum when she says “hey, he’s only 3” and that she can raise it with her, rather than yell at the kid - and she snaps back “well my kids are the same age and aren’t doing that kind of thing”. Her friend then piped up and yelled out “yeah maybe if you were watching your kid it wouldn’t have happened” (she was literally right there and intervened straight away). They kept badgering her.

What sanctimonious bullshit. As a mum watching on I was sad that Perth’s parenting community isn’t as friendly and supportive as it used to be over the last 6 years of raising my own. Maybe it’s other stresses at the moment (CoL etc) getting compounded that people are particularly sensitive about their space and belongings. But the way this was handled was more aggressive than the kid’s age appropriate (but still naughty, yes - mum acknowledged this) behaviour. You could tell his mum was super deflated.

Lying awake with my sleepless 12-month-old thinking of her. Parenting is so hard. Parenting toddlers is REALLY fucking hard and Perth’s community is too small for this. I’d never speak to another mum like that (nor the kid!) unless there was risk of actual harm to another child, not a stuffed sloth.

I turn 32 in a few months. Spent longer at uni than I should have (in hindsight) to complete two degrees. Also withdrew $15K from my super during COVID because no one told me not to. Securing 4-6 months of rent coverage seemed clever in the immediate term. (Edit to contextualise: holy shit, I didn’t mean “because no one told me not to” so literally. I simply wish I knew better, but I didn’t. Alas.)

It wasn’t long after completing my studies that I met my husband and we had a child together. The relationship is not going well and the prospect of being a single parent is becoming increasingly likely.

I’ve since been a SAHM but after experiencing how destabilising it can be to be totally financially dependent on someone else, I started a business. I’m only a year in, but I’ve recently had two months of $15K in revenue (gross, but operating margins are high. Though I do still need to invest another $15-25K in equipment before I can really focus on earning and hopefully drawing a regular salary.)

I’m slowly learning that no one really taught me about personal finance or financial literacy for that matter. Spousal contributions were never discussed while I was at home full-time. I also only just learned about the importance of choosing a passive index fund the other day. I made the switch away from my high fee active fund immediately. As a result of all of the above factors, I only have $22K of superannuation despite having made $6K in contributions in the last few months. No savings otherwise.

What’s your two cents? Any advice or perspective, no matter how frank, is welcome.