6yo cat got sick Friday. Put down today and I dont know how to cope
He was fine and got sick Friday. Money is tight but we figured things out and took him to a vet today. They did a blood test and it was DKA and fluid in his heart. The vet just said hes suffering and to put him down so we did like two hours ago because it wouldnt have been affordable and the vet just said it was at a point where all the money in the world likely wouldn't even save him.
He's been my everything. We're incredibly clingy to each other. I feel like I failed to detect anything. I feel like his diet was bad. I'm coping it was genetic. I feel like I failed with financials to take him to the vet regularly. I don't even really know exactly where to direct my life from here because he was apart of everything.
One of my dogs passed in September last year as is. My current dog is 14 so it's been on my mind already. I expected this decision to be a thing that happened in like 10 years or so from now. It doesn't feel real and I feel numb and physically numb. I've been together with him everyday. He's been in major parts of my life. He's just my everything. My mental health is a mess so like I'm genuinely home all the time so literally we're together all day every day. I just like am in a stage of denial still.
He was already super sleepy and weak so when he passed from euthanasia it was quick and it didn't even seem like he noticed anything. I'm trying to help myself feel better that this was the case but I don't know.
When we got home I asked my mom to put up everything in the house, but so much is his the house is genuinely empty now. I didn't want it put away but I cant look at it either. I don't know how to cope or how to continue my usual. I know I need to build routine or anything. I don't usually do anything on reddit but I just want advice and support, people who can relate right now. I just feel like vomitting, my head hurts, and I'm a mess. I know I can't rush anything, I want to though and I also don't want to because it feels wrong to him.
I don't know what to do or how to handle this. This was my worst nightmare come true. Nothing feels like reality. Please help me feel better and figure out a way to somewhat navigate my life now.