Nervous about going back/ Unsure did I make right choice
Hi everyone.
This will be a bit long winded and I will try to keep this generalised for the sake of privacy, but I need someplace to vent. I am a secondary school teacher who will be entering their third year out. Last year I was lucky to get a parental leave in a school until December. Then I got called back into the same school to teach my other subject for a last minute sick leave. While the school was a bit relaxed in its rules, I loved the staff. Everyone was so supportive and welcoming from day one. The staff room was a large circle where everyone could talk. I will add that there was on site accommodation as it was boarding. This area was quite lacking and I did struggle- there wasn't a functioning kitchen and I got a severe chest infection due to lack of heating. However, overall, a good experience. Overall, a great atmosphere.
I then got a sick leave in another school in a completely different county. I was ready to go in and teach, face it all head-on. I got accommodation with a working oven (a major plus). However, the school environment made me a bit apprehensive. Students were okay- I got given seniors who did not put in any effort yet wanted to try HL. I had the same year group for SPHE who did not comply- even at one stage a group of students made an offensive joke about r*pe that was not dealt with properly with the year head.
Overall, since coming into the school with not that much left in the school year, I knew I wouldn't be everyone's cups of tea, but the majority of class groups were good. I just had some issues with staff. It was more apparent that groups were forming- very different vibe in the staff room. Individual groups sat together at lunch, etc. I've been in a school in my PME with a similar vibe and it was awful.
So, long story short- reinterviewing was approaching. A lot of staff had to reinterview as it was their first year in the school. I didn't think it would concern me, but a new job for my subjects came up- I saw this as a sign. So, a bit of a culture about interviews crept in. A lot of whispering and talk about what was asked, etc. I find interviews tough going anyways, but I gave it a go.
This is where it goes a bit south.
Everyone bar me got their jobs back. And I mean everyone. So I had to sit through lunches in the staffroom where everyone was so glad to have a job when I was on the verge of tears. I found out with two weeks to go on the job. I tried my best to teach away, but it was a major shock to my confidence. The way some staff treated me was insane- some of them barely looked at me and acted like I had the plague. It was just awkward. So, I said my goodbyes, thinking that was it. It was sad to say goodbye to a majority of students. I had some classes that I adored. And some of the staff were great- especially the subject teams.
So, back at home for the summer job hunting. I really felt it this year as I got not that many interviews when I was sending my application everywhere. The interviews I had secured were awful- you could tell the position was filled already with the way they acted.
Next thing I know, the principal from the last school contacts me about a job for the upcoming year. Immediately, alarm bells were going off in my head, especially after the way I was treated when I didn't get the job. I had 24 hours to decide- during this time I had another interview that did not go successful.
So, feeling a bit bereft, wanting to go back doing what I love, I took the job offer, thinking of the few staff who were really nice and just having that overall sense of familiarity. I will also be honest, I did face some scrutiny from family to take the job. So, here I am.
I feel bad about complaining when I know the job hunt hasn't been great for many. I am feeling 50/50 about going back. It's mainly concerned about senior students who I most likely will be teaching again (small school and same contract) and some of the staff. Am I overreacting? I just don't want to start the new school year with dread.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading.