Can someone help me understand myself😭
24 yo. Had had two relationships. First was a canon event. Second didn't last cause of long distance. As shallow as it will sound, it was also cause she was physically not my type. I'm someone who was socially anxious, worked on myself and now I give speeches and sell products. I was a fat fuck, worked out to be muscular (sadly I'm back to being unfit but still better than a lot of people), so I kinda wanted someone similiar in that context. Plus someone modern. I'm not the kind of guy who would cover up their girl. I'm the kind of guy who'll encourage wearing everything (as long as it's not extreme).
But. The problem is, I'm highly attracted to a particular type of women who fit into the modern "baddie" space, physically. I would love to explain more in the comments if someone needs some additional context.
Now, the real issue. After the second breakup, I was hell bent on a casual/FWB dating phase. It sucked for a while that I didn't find someone to do that.
BUT. At the same time, I joined my family business. And I'm highly ambitious and extremely hard worker. I work 7 days a week with an off day only if I'm sick or one weekend over 4 months.
What I'm unable to understand is. I was trying to find FWB equation with someone. AND I FOUND IT. But now it feels like too much work. To plan a sex night by booking an Airbnb or something since I can't bring her home.
Plus, the complete day I spend thinking how I can earn more money. But at night, I kinda feel like I should go on dates. There are so many good looking women out there and let's be honest, I want to be with them. Sometimes I feel I'm incapable of love and just look for sex. Sometimes I feel I need love. Sometimes I feel since I've become unfit again, workout and build myself then think about it and don't really understand what to do.
Sometimes it's like, I just want to do a transformation both career wise and body wise and just show to people what I'm capable of. Just a tight slap on society's face and be that guy desired by women and men (different ways). Like, I want people to simp for me.
Wow, I'm crazy guys.