Hyper-Analyzing Internalized Homophobia in The Summer Hikaru Died
[Spoilers up to Vol. 8/Ch. 38]
This is something I originally wrote on Tumblr, sharing it here. The original has pictures attached for context.
If you've had any exposure to TSHD and its story, you're likely aware that internalized homophobia (IH) is a central theme. But I'm rarely satisfied by the way most others in the fandom talk about internalized homophobia in TSHD, to the point I wonder if there's too much emphasis placed on IH in the story where other themes are being overlooked. I've yet to see anyone fully articulate what I personally noticed in the narrative. So, I am writing my own analysis of TSHD and how it represents internalized homophobia in Yoshiki.
When I think of internalized homophobia in media, there's a particular archetype that comes to mind: a character who engages in a lot of denial about being gay or wanting to be ‘normal’/straight instead. They may enter a straight relationship, mock/bully other LGB+ people, or anything to avoid being associated with homosexuality. (The main example that comes to my mind is Isak from SKAM. [And also American Psycho.]) However, TSHD has certain subtleties that make its depiction of internalized homophobia more unique.
To demonstrate, let's look at this moment in Ch. 38, where Yoshiki comes out to Asako.
Note: Because I am an English-only speaker, I am very reliant on Ajani Oloye's specific translation and the decisions Ajani Oloye has made in that translation. I do not know how this translation differs from the original Japanese, what connotations are lost or added. I am analyzing Ajani Oloye's work as much as I am analyzing Mokumokuren's and that specificity should be kept in mind.
One of the strengths of TSHD is how well it shows Yoshiki's IH is a direct response to his environment. Despite starting out by saying he thought his attraction to Hikaru was gross, he quickly shifts into talking about what would happen if other people found out; even emphasizing it again when Asako assures him. This shows how the self is built in relation to the people around us—something of a tenet in queer theory and more commonly recognized in collectivist, often non-Western cultures. This moment seamlessly weaves together societal heterosexism with internalized homophobia.
This emphasis on other people also allows for a degree of disbelief in Yoshiki over his own internalized homophobia. Take the flashback in Ch. 9, where Yoshiki advocates for another gay villager, Yuusuke Yasaburou. Even if its only a brief moment and about another person, Yoshiki is still aware that homosexuality isn't a disease or sinful, and is even willing to say that to Hikaru.
My point here isn't that Yoshiki doesn't actually have any internalized homophobia whatsoever. Rather, internalized homophobia isn't all-or-nothing and it's different for everyone. To some extent, because of the ubiquity of heteronormativity, we all internalize homophobia to some degree, often subconsciously. Some people react with tacit acceptance of homophobic beliefs and try to be straight. Yoshiki makes no such effort. For Yoshiki, his feelings seem to be a fact of life. And as we already saw, Yoshiki doesn't try to degrade homosexuality as a whole or in others.
Because I'd argue Yoshiki has a very particular manifestation of shame. Not necessarily the shame of being gay and wishing you weren't. But the shame of feeling internalized homophobia when you already know you shouldn't—when you know it's just irrational bigotry. A boomerang effect of feeling shame for the fact you thought, even if only for a second, being gay was gross when you know that's bullshit.
To really drive my point home, I'm going to give a close reading of Yoshiki's ‘monster’ monologue in Ch. 27:
And also the anime dialogue, which hits just ever so slightly harder:
>I'm a monster too!
>We don't have to be normal.
>(I don't care if I'm being selfish.)
>My life is a lie!
>I've been hiding who I really am from everyone.
Most often, people interpret this moment as Yoshiki saying he's a monster because he is gay. And I'm sure that's part of it. But look closer at what we actually see, what we're actually being told.
First, the “monster” in quotes for the manga suggests a bit of knowing hyperbole; Yoshiki knows he's exaggerating. And then there's the focus on hiding, not belonging, a lie, wanting to escape not himself but the place he's in. This isn't the language of internalized homophobia, not in the typical way at least. This is guilt for being in the closet.
I think it makes a lot of sense that Yoshiki would feel guilty for being in the closet, even though it's very reasonable to stay in the closet in that kind of environment—of feeling like a selfish coward for prioritizing your own comfort/safety over standing up for what you believe in. Yoshiki honestly has a lot of traits that are very connected to moral scrupulosity: he feels the duty to kill "Hikaru" when he almost kills Asako, feeling guilty for trying to teach "Hikaru" how to be human, saying he'll take on "Hikaru's" sins with him, feeling really guilty when a little girl almost dies after closing the hole in Ashidori. Plus, no matter how much he feels like he's suffocating in his village, he never outright hates the people there—he still recognizes their moral worth as people, just like he does with "Hikaru". Yoshiki appears to have very strong moral values and feels guilty when his behavior doesn't hold up to those values enough. Resulting in this complex mixture of feeling guilty for not being able to act normal or fit into heteronormative society, but then knowing that society can be very damaging and discriminatory, and wanting to stand up against that, but then feeling guilty when you aren't able to do that.
It's very subtle yet very layered and contradictory, and it's why Yoshiki and TSHD stand out so much as a character and a story with so much richness that cannot just be boiled down to being a ‘metaphor for internalized homophobia.’ Because frankly, TSHD is about many things, not just internalized homophobia: learning to live with difference even when it's dangerousness, finding a place you belong, finding new life after grief and death, helping others as a way to help yourself, respecting things beyond our understanding, rejecting what's considered a ‘normal’ life.
I don't know if this was Mokumokuren's original intent in writing the story, and I certainly don't think it's the only correct interpretation to Yoshiki, but I hope I've demonstrated why I think this interpretation is supported by the text of the manga (English translation) to at least be ‘objective’. While I have seen some interpretations that peeve me (my first draft of this post was way more argumentative/antagonistic), if a story is successful at getting us to play with our emotions and our beliefs, then that story is a success.