u/PossibleExamination1

I started Lexapro shortly after my brother died in Iraq. After that, I finished high school, went to college, moved for work, and then moved across the country for another job. The whole time, I was constantly stressed and eventually burned out. I realized my mental health was destroying me, so I moved back and got an apartment at my dad’s house.

I stayed on Lexapro for about three more years, but eventually noticed I was more anxious than ever, so I switched to Zoloft. I was on that for about two years. During that time, I changed careers because I was constantly overwhelmed and stressed. I took a much lower paying job with significantly less stress, and I felt like I no longer needed Zoloft. I did a proper taper over about four months and stayed off SSRIs completely for around six months.

At first, being off them felt incredible. I’m not exaggerating, it felt almost magical. I felt sharper, quicker with my thoughts, and more present. I could hold real conversations and engage in meaningful debates. I’m a musician, and I wrote the best music I’ve made in the last ten years during that time.

But eventually, things went downhill. I became extremely agitated over basic tasks, constantly uncomfortable in my own skin (like a full body itch I couldn’t escape), and dealt with severe insomnia. The worst part was hitting stage 2 hypertension levels. I went to the ER and clinics multiple times, and they told me my heart was fine and it was anxiety. Also during those six months, I didn’t have a single dream. It felt like I never hit REM sleep.

At that point, I had no choice but to take FMLA from work and go back on Zoloft. I was previously on 150 mg and am now on 75 mg. Getting back on it stabilized me enough to return to work, but I’ve already noticed cognitive downsides again.. I'm losing my train of thought mid-conversation, struggling to find words, etc. I feel calmer but at what cost?

On top of that, I have basically no libido or sex drive at all. It’s just gone. That’s been a consistent issue for me on SSRIs and has affected my relationships my entire adult life.

So now I feel stuck. I’ve experienced both sides pretty clearly - the benefits and the downsides of being on SSRIs and off them and honestly that alone creates more anxiety. I hate feeling like my partners are unsatisfied or feel unattractive... But I also hate the physical anxiety, tremors, and instability I have without medication..

At this point, I genuinely feel like my brain chemistry has adapted to the medication to the extent that I can’t function normally without it.. If you’re really struggling and feel like you need SSRIs, I get it but if I could give any advice, it would be to be cautious about long term dependence.

I’m not a doctor and this is just my personal experience but it took nearly 20 years and coming off the medication to fully realize how much it was affecting my body and mind.

One last thing, the first two weeks of going back on Zoloft were terrible. I had constant tremors and intense fight or flight responses.. My teeth were literally chattering. That was when I realized how much these meds effect your nervous system..

I’ve read it can take up to two years for SSRIs to fully leave your system. Maybe that’s true, maybe not but at six months off, I felt like I had no other option if I wanted to keep my job and stay functional.

Anyway, rant over. Sorry.