u/PouncePlease

Hey y'all,

I've been trying to track down an account I had read in the past, but I'm at that point where I've just read and listened and seen a few too many to always perfectly remember where I found every last one.

The account (which I believe may have been an ADC and not an NDE) referenced asking one deceased family member about a second deceased family member and receiving the answer (through a kind of visual flash) that the second family member was living in, essentially, what was interpreted as a wizard's tower. The message was given that that family member was isolated on purpose because they preferred to be alone. I think it may have gone into a little further detail about that family member emerging from that place when wanted/needed, so it wasn't like they were cut off forever, but I'll stop here because the details are fuzzy.

Does this account ring any bells for people? And then more generally, does anyone have any other accounts of privacy in the afterlife? People who withdraw, people who put up walls, people who go into their own worlds, etc. Not in a scary or petty "you'll never see me again!" way, but just people who do their own thing and others then respect that.

Thanks, gang!

Welcome!

Please find a list of our subreddit rules below, which you are encouraged to read, especially if you are a first-time poster. If you see rule violations, please report them. Thank you!

1. Be kind.

2. No one is an authority on the afterlife.

3. No spiritual bypassing.

4. No spam, low effort posts, off topic posts, or cross-posts.

5. No posts about suicide.

And in a little more detail...

Rule 1 - Hopefully self-explanatory. Help each other, uplift each other. Being kind does not exclude defending oneself or others or the topic in general, but please avoid insults, threats, etc. Harassment will be reported and violators will be banned.

Rule 2 - Because this topic involves deeply held spiritual beliefs and this space is a safe one for believers, if it is your belief, you may post and comment as if this were a "pro-afterlife" sub (meaning you may participate as though the afterlife is a known fact to you, personally), but you may not tell others what their beliefs are or should be, including whether or not to believe in an afterlife at all. Common rule-breaking examples include telling others that what they want from an afterlife is wrong or silly or will leave them bored or miserable; telling others that their identity is nothing more than an ego, a role to play, or a simulation; telling others they will have to reincarnate or merge into a God consciousness or accommodate a higher self or past life memories against their will.

Conversely, you may share your own individual questions or personal skepticism about the afterlife, and you need not participate as though the afterlife were a known fact, but you may not post or comment as though this is an "anti-afterlife" sub (meaning you may not participate as though the afterlife is proven to be false) and you may not tell others that they are wrong for believing in an afterlife.

When in doubt, permissive is always better than restrictive, i.e. anyone can do or believe ABC vs. you may not do or believe XYZ -- because like the rule says, none of us are an authority on the afterlife or its limits.

Rule 3 - Remember the human. You may not trivialize suffering. You may not explain away complicated trauma by insisting everything happens for a reason or that anyone asked for the trials they have gone through in this life.

Rule 4 - Spam is posting too much or posting garbage. Low effort is posting things like, "What do you think happens after death?" or a title like "I'm afraid to die," but there's barely any or no text in the body of the post. Off topic is posting about sports or cats or anything not regarding the afterlife. Cross-posting is when you make a post in some other sub and then use the option to cross-post here as well, meaning the hyperlink leads to that other sub and the conversation mostly happens there -- post here or not at all.

Rule 5 - This is an anonymous online forum, and while we discuss heavy topics, we are not professionals and are not equipped to handle mental health crises in real time.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. You do not have to go through this alone.

📞 Immediate Crisis Resources

United States & Canada: Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org.

United Kingdom: Call 111 (NHS) or call the Samaritans at 116 123.

Australia: Call Lifeline at 13 11 14.

International: Find resources in your country at findahelpline.com or befrienders.org.

Text Support: Text HOME to 741741 (US/Canada) or 85258 (UK) to connect with the Crisis Text Line.

🏳️‍🌈 The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ Youth): Call 866-488-7386 or text START to 678-678 (US).

Trans Lifeline: Call 877-565-8860 (US) or 877-330-6366 (Canada).

Veterans Crisis Line: Dial 988, then press 1, or text 838255 (US).

Hi everyone! I wanted to have a check-in on the state of the sub, as well as open a discussion on some next steps, including an overhaul of our rules.

When I took over as mod a month ago, there was a good deal to catch up on. I’ve made my way through about 50 pages of unresolved mod reports, many years of unanswered mod mail, and a ban system that had, at times, excluded important contributors who had not broken sub rules, some of whom are still active on Reddit and have been personally invited back. I plan to stay on top of the steady influx of new posts, comments, and reports now that I’ve had time to go through our backlog, in the hopes that this kind of years-long bottleneck doesn’t ever happen in the future.

My recent time reviewing our sub’s past, as well as overseeing its day to day, has illuminated what some of the most common reports have always been (and continue to be), as well as those times when this community has come together to uplift and heal, which happily takes place here every day. I think what makes this corner of Reddit so special is we meet a particular need. This is not the NDE sub, nor is it the mediumship sub. It’s not r/consciousness, and it’s not r/skeptic. When people first approach these topics on Reddit, we are often the very first place they turn (you can thank the high visibility real estate of a word like “afterlife” being so all-encompassing).

I see on this subreddit a deep, abiding respect for the human in all that we do best. We do not presume to tell others what to believe, nor what to expect, because none of us can speak for all humans, nor can we limit a human’s faith or imagination. When a human comes to our sub in pain because they have lost a loved one, we speak to the human that’s here, not one who isn’t, not a higher self or God consciousness, because we acknowledge the deeply personal experience that human – and no other – is going through. Whether through pain, anxiety, fear, longing, hope, or excitement, every post here is from a unique individual with a unique perspective.

Many other subs that deal with afterlife topics have seen a steady influx of content that I believe does not center the human as we do. We have also seen the same influx of this content, but these instances are regularly reported, and I now regularly act on them. And it’s less efficient to put into generalities what I mean by “not centering the human” when we have really effective, specific examples that speak for themselves. I have seen every one of the following many times over the past month as mod and over the past years as a member of this community and others:

• Telling others with certainty what will happen to them and/or everyone after death

• Telling others with certainty that what they want to happen after death is wrong or silly or unrealistic

• Telling others with certainty that their desire or belief will leave them bored, miserable, lonely, or unsatisfied unless they follow a specific path or accept a certain truth

• Telling others with certainty what their life means, what their path is, or what their fate will be

• Telling others that their human identity is nothing more than a role, a simulation, or an ego

• Telling others that they will have to reincarnate

• Telling others that they will have to merge into a God consciousness or hive mind and/or accommodate a higher self or past life memories against their will

These examples are just from folks who believe in an afterlife, mind you, and doesn’t even touch other types of behavior seen on this sub from trolls who show up with some regularity to try to derail conversations or insult sincerely-held beliefs.

I would like this community to always welcome the non-dualist, the reincarnationist, and the higher selves of all those who have them, just as we welcome skeptics, atheists, and materialists seeking new perspectives and exciting, challenging debates. But I have seen time and again those who are seeking relief or privacy or autonomy in their afterlife – not to mention pleasure, beauty, fun – being told they are wrong, and I feel a duty to stop this on our sub.

To that end, I believe the current rules don’t allow for easy policing of this kind of disrespect. The commonly cited Rule 4 (“You don’t know everything”) is not a great one-size-fits-all. For example, I see much less of an issue with one member saying to others, “You can believe/have/do what you want in the afterlife” versus another saying “You cannot believe/have/do what you want in the afterlife.” Both statements are likely to be reported for an “authoritative” tone, but I only see cause to remove the second comment, as it’s restrictive rather than permissive.

You all have entrusted me with the responsibility of running this sub. I hope that I can continue to serve this community with what I consider to be all of our greatest gifts: respect for the dignity of humans and trusting in one’s gut. Please help me by sharing your thoughts on the rules of this sub below so we can put into place a structure that will be easy to understand, follow, and enforce.

The current rules, so no one has to go hunting them down (and I would like to keep a green stickied announcement on the front page with the new rules when they are settled):

1. Be nice

2. Stay on topic

3. No spam

4. You don’t know everything

5. No posts about suicide. No exception.

6. No low effort posts

7. No ‘preachy’ or overly religious posts or comments

I believe some rules can be combined, others replaced or reworded.

Last thoughts:

• Would the examples I listed up above in this post be helpful to include, maybe not in the new rules themselves, but a green stickied rules post?

• Would everyone be cool with a new, updated, likely combined version of our two current green stickied announcements we’ve had for years? Hopefully with a bit less antagonistic of a title than “Stop Asking Others…”, etc.

• How would everyone feel about a visual redesign, with a simple, pleasant banner and a new color palette, etc.?

Thanks, and have a great day!

Pounce