The one thing that kept me from losing it...
Our baby is 9 months old now and has been out of the NICU since she was two months old, one ish month adjusted.
The one thing that kept me going even when I wanted to question everything I believed in, God and everything in between was this:
What will I say when she's older and asks about when she was born? What will I want to tell her about her NICU stay and how her daddy and I felt about her? What will I tell her about her home away from home the first two months of her life?
I can still have my trauma and my sadness and my anger. But I wanted to tell her about the good times. I wanted to make good times to tell her about. And that's what we did. We watched a football game on a Sunday at the NICU and had a mini party. Daddy went for special midnight feedings after work. We brought her more clothes and toys as she was able to wear and use them and started to decorate her shelves in her room.
I know everyones experience is so drastically different but I wanted to post this anyway incase it clicks for someone else's brain the way it did for mine. Because for me it was the first time I felt I had some control and could do something to make some of it feel even just "ok" for the time being.