u/Prior_Cantaloupe2011

It's been there at back of my head for a long time now....but it's getting worse now...I have been practicing the act without any object for quite a few times now at night...idk what i should do, i don't wanna die ,just get relief...I was hoping after neet,cuet whatever it will be over i will be going to clg (be it pvt/govt and any course idc) atleast I will be having a new start after all these exams ,try to learn some new hobbies ,watch shows and i tried doing this ...but it's not getting better... actually it's worse than ever before...I just feel empty, guilt, random crying... I can't tell all this to ppl offline so I am writing this here...I have had history of childhood trauma , severe panic attacks with vomits, shiverings etc, weight loss, tuberculosis, OCD, bad breakup(it was my fault, I just can't be in normal relationships ,I find a way to fuck it up, be it frndship or anyother kind)... All this haunts me every night...and I feel ashamed for telling this to anyone irl or even whining out here, maybe I am just trying to seek attention idk ... Sry ....i am tired , my hands have turned white af because of ocd...lots of compulsions...atp life feels like a compulsion to me... Maybe i shouldn't post this ,maybe I will delete this after overthinking abit..sry to bother

First day everyone was shocked with the paper sbki fatt gyi thi chem phy dekh ke ..kisi se nhi hori...teachers were also saying ki hume bhi time lag raha solve karne me ... No one was daring to say maine phy chem poora attempt kiya hai yaa acha gaya hai .. and now suddenly cut offs are rising, sabke coaching me 700+ vaale nikal rhe , what is happening guys??

one of my frnd is scoring 240/720 smthng in neet (pcb) ...and same person is scoring 500+ /750(pcb) in cuet...how is this even possible??

(mai hi hu vo chutiya)