Update from 3 months of employment
31M and I work in security.
There are days that are easier some are harder to get through. I like that I'm not being micro managed and it's basically me patrolling and reporting if I find something that shouldn't be there. It's a lot of walking and standing on your feet, so on the flip side I guess I do get my 10k+ steps a days, although for me it's more like 30k+ during a shift.
The pay is ok, could be better, but some extra income does help. On this salary I still can not afford to live alone so I still stay with my parents.
I actually for the first time decided to set aside some of my income into index funds and let them sit there. It's nothing huge, more like whatever money I don't mind losing if shit hits the storm.
Work wise all my colleagues are much older than I am and they wonder what I'm doing there and not some other job. My boss says I should apply myself, I'm still young, because he can tell I have potential in me or whatever, and as much as I appreciate the sentiment. It's just mentally I know at this stage this is where I am at and what I can handle.
The job itself is not too social, not being stuck in an office. I like that. As with any job there are good and bad parts, but I just try to keep it together. Although, I do at times feel how pointless all that I do seems as if I am so stuck and I don't even know how to develop/grow/evolve.
And then sometimes I think well I surely can just off myself if I can't handle it anymore. But then another day goes by and you trundle along.
Doesn't help in this work that I'm 31 but look 25, and all the other men have families and kids and are 50+ and just a couple of other guys in mid 30s.
A few weeks back a guy from another department asked me if I was single or married and I said - neither. And then he hinted that a girl that works with him noticed me and she's a bit shy but finds me interesting. I didn't give it much thought until next day she added me on facebook.
I sort of tried to get to know her and we exchanged some messages here and there, but at one point it felt like I was just the one keeping the conversation going. 10+ hours between replies. Felt like I was interviewing her, a dialogue is supposed to go both ways, but if I am the only one asking or trying to interact and the other doesn't reciprocate I don't play those games. So I just stopped messaging her, I say hi when I see her in person but that's the extent of it. Either way a part of me is glad that I went for it, I'd rather have tried and failed, than be left guessing.
It's weird 3 months, and yet it feels like it's been a year already doing this. I honestly don't know how much I'll be able to fake it and keep up the facade and I try to keep a positive mental attitude. On my days off I go on runs, or just for a walk in nature. But none of that takes away from the fact that I just see no point to it, and maintaining any hope that it will get better seems harder.
Sometimes when I look at myself from the outside I realize what a boring, solitary, confined, uneventful life I've lived. Funny how when I was in my 20's I was like no way I'll get to live to 30, and yet here I am.
Just wanted to vent a bit, thanks for reading.