Burnt out…need to vent.
I’ve been crying all day on and off and I just need to vent and write down my feelings.
I love my horse more than anything in the world but I’m.just.burn.out.
I’ve had him for 4 years now and 4 years in…it’s only been trouble after trouble after trouble. He’s what people might call a « problem horse ». When I first got him he had behavioral issues that took a year to fix. He was agressive and reluctant. He hated being ridden. However with work and patience and love I managed to fix that problem. But then came the health issues…for the past three years it’s been one health issue after another. He’s got breathing issues due to allergies, food allergies, bad feet, cervical arthritis due to an accident he had before I bought him…and the list goes on.
He’s been doing ok for the past 8 months now and I finally thought we were out of the woods! I was already thinking about taking lessons with him again, maybe even jump a little again. Last week, he saw the chiropractor (that he sees monthly!) and she told me that he was finally looking great and feeling great muscle-wise. No tension. Looking fit. I was so happy…and lo and behold…the very next day, he rolled too close to the hay rack and got his hind leg stuck in it. He hurt himself but nothing bad. So, for a few days I gave him arnica, showered the leg, applied clay and yesterday he was ok again. I lunged him and he was fine. So, this morning I wanted to ride him and go for a small trail ride (just walking) and well, nope. No riding. He was limping badly! Refused to put any weight on his right front hoof. I picked his hooves. And the feet is a little warm. So, I cleaned it and put on his hoof boots with silicone insoles. It helped and is at least now able to move around. But he can’t wear them 24/7…
For 4 years now I’ve done everything possible for him. All my spare money is for him, in vets, chiropractors, food, supplements etc.
So, now I contacted my farrier and she is yet to answer me…over 7 hours later. And here I am crying because I’m frustrated and sad that he’s in pain again. And I feel stupid for being stupid enough to believe that things were finally fine with him. I need to accept that things will probably never be fine with him.
I love him. Dearly. But I am just tired. :(
Edit: I said chiropractor BUT I meant Equine Physio.
Edit**: I’m thinking his naturally thin soles are worn out by the hard abrasive grounds we’ve had because of the severe drought France’s has had this summer.