An honest and somewhat cynical reflection upon a decent baseball career
While I do not regret playing ball, I often believe I overstayed my welcome on the ballfield.
Past coach pitch, I was never a stand-out player. I was always decent, but never anything to write home about. I was tightly-wound, not particularly athletic, and undersized. Determined to improve, I began lifting weights, going from 125 lbs as a freshman in high school to a 170 pound senior. I was cut from my middle and high school teams, and eventually got an offer to a small, no-name DIII school. I was always a high-academic kid, and I can't particularly say I loved playing the game. So much of my relationship with baseball was through the perspective of work, leading me to lose the "fun" aspect. I was always a ballplayer, putting the work in, hustling, playing through injuries, you name it. My grades were probably good enough to be competitive at some real high-academic schools, but I chose to go to a pretty academically unremarkable school (which is now on the brink of closing) to play ball.
Baseball my freshman and sophomore years was hell. I got one at-bat in two years and felt completely separate from the team. We would practice twice per day, once during cafeteria lunch and once during cafeteria dinner. Most days, I would barely be eating enough calories to function. I had some buddies, but I loathed being at practice and dreaded gamedays. Everyone hated our coach. Part of our catching drills would include making us close our eyes and try to catch the ball once we heard the pitching machine shoot the ball at us. At times, he would make me pitch game one of an intrasquad doubleheader and catch game two.
I ended up getting recruited to transfer to a small branch campus of a state school. There was no student life whatsoever, most of the students commuted, and the only fans at games were girlfriends and parents. I ended up really focusing on academics at my new school. I became a tutor, became the president of a club, and began getting straight As. I became a captain of my new team, and set the single-season record for runners caught stealing as a catcher. I ended up hurting my back and was forced to take the summer and fall off.
The next spring, I got off to a slow start, but got red hot in March and saw my average shoot to .400. I ended up losing reps on the field despite this, seeing a different catcher (who was on the team last year) take my spot despite being a horrendous catcher and not a particularly stellar hitter. He happened to be a drinking buddy of my coach's, which I postulate has something to do with this, however excuses do not absolve me of culpability for a lack of playing time.
My average dropped to around .300 by the end of my senior year, and I was named academic All-American. I graduated as the valedictorian and won several research and academic awards.
Playing college ball definitely helped parts of my career. My grad school interviewer asked me tons of questions about baseball, and I was eventually accepted into an ivy league school for a doctorate program. However, part of me feels like I would have been able to get into these good schools without baseball.
Now that I'm away for the game (as of 2 months ago), I can't help but feel like I played the game too much and for too long. I can now enjoy watching ballgames, but for years upon years it was something I dreaded. I would have panic fits the night before games. I lost the fun in the game so long ago, that I truly saw it as work.
On paper, I had a very commendable career. Hitting .300+ at any level is nothing to scoff at. From an outside perspective, I was a kid who loved the game. Inside, however, it was the bane of my existence. For you parents out there, really consider whether your child loves the game or simply feels an obligation to it. No matter what, keep it fun.
It's a kids' game, after all.