My Resources
Two Years ago I woke up shaking to my core. I felt completely scared and I didn’t know why. Nearly a year passed to the point where I needed to be hospitalized because every day was one long panic attack until I could go to sleep. I had to resign from a job and nearly lost my private practice. I was done. I didn’t understand it. Rationally I knew there was nothing to be afraid of but I was so “over” sensitized that noises in the house or people texting me felt like the hardest thing I’d ever done. I could go on… I’m coming up on a year since I was hospitalized and I wanted to share some resources that have got me “on track” and living life. I’m not fully desensitized yet but I’m getting there. It’s brutal work. Overcoming this has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. If you’re in the throes of it and scared to death I want to give you some hope and provide “best practice” evidenced based resources for you.
Side Note: I always purchased audiobooks because honestly, reading was too much.
I came across “Hope and Help For Your Nerves” by Claire Weekes. It was incredible. I felt she was speaking directly to me from 50 years ago (audiobook). She reads it herself and I’ve probably listened to the book a million times over. It provided direction and comfort in time of much confusion. I went on to find “Pass Through Panic” which is much of the same but provided a few different aspects. This laid the groundwork.
From there I discovered “The Anxious Truth” (Drew Linsalata) podcast which lead me to the “Disordered Podcast” (Drew Linsalata and Joshua Fletcher). I consumed these podcasts like my life depended on it- which it did. I really began my psycho-education journey here and learned that panic is cortisol and adrenaline and a misfiring threat response (amygdala).
I was so consumed by finding resources that helped me understand I read everything I could by Drew & Josh.
“The Anxious Truth” (audiobook) Drew Insalata
“Anxiety: Panicking About Panic” Joshua Fletcher
“Untangle Your Anxiety” Joshua Fletcher & Dean Stott
Again, I always got audiobooks so I could listen again and again. This is the way.
These resources alone helped me begin my journey of desensitization. I found a couple of others that were helpful;
“DARE” by Barry McDonagh
“Overcoming Anticipatory Anxiety” by Sally Winston and Martin Seif
I still have a ways to go and some days are better than others. I can’t compare this to anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s nuanced and awful. As a clinician I never knew “this” is what it was like. I have a new found understanding of the level of suffering anxiety can produce and how it can literally “flip a switch” in our brains and as a result it takes years of hard work to “rewire” or more like lay down new wires to get to a point of functioning.
Anyway, this post has been exhausting and that’s why I’ve not done it but I feel almost selfish not sharing the resources that have brought me to this point- which looking back a year ago- is a long way. Anxiety makes you think every day is the worst day but once you start the journey you can look back and go, I AM getting better, slowly but surely. Hope this is helpful to someone.