My random TGOY thoughts way back January
For the past few days, I have been trying so hard to understand what is in To Get Over You by Jonaxx that hits me so hard. I have read romance stories ever since I was twelve, hindi na bago lahat ng trope, lahat ng cliches, lahat ng plots na commonly nasa romance stories. To Get Over You is the last installment of Montefalco Series that started way back 2014 pa, hindi naman na bago sa ‘kin ang mga male leads ni Jonaxx, at mas lalong hindi na bago sa ‘kin ang mga Montefalco Boys–Elijah, Josiah, and Azrael.
I have read Azrael Ian Montefalco III first in Until Trilogy. Tumatak sa ‘kin ang character niya and I admit I also waited for his installment sa series. Why? Because he’s all the man a woman would not like to love. Funny nga siya, pero babaero. He has a dirty mouth, and it seems na hindi siya magseseryoso. In the trilogy, the narrative made him seem like a man who doesn’t take women seriously. Casual sex lang, walang girlfriends, just flings, a transaction. However, there were moments that revealed his deep mind, on his views about love, on how he would love the woman he’ll choose someday. So I’m curious kung paano siya magmahal sa taong pipiliin niya at kung may pipili nga ba sa kanya.
It didn’t cross my mind that at that point, he had already chosen the woman he would love his entire life.
Ngayong nabasa ko ‘yung kuwento niya, I was always excitedly sharing it to my brother and my mother. No romance story made me like that. Kahit ‘yung kay Josiah, hindi. Now that To Get Over You is completed, I really wonder why.
>!>!In all the sharing I did, I always tell how I find it funny that both Azrael and Niklas recklessly jump any sign and chance they get to be with each other because they don’t have any assurance—they haven’t affirmed each other’s feelings before they decided to get married. Wala silang label, hindi man lang dumaan sa ligawan, pero diretso kasal agad sa City Hall after four months of reconnecting with each other.!<!< And all the time while I was reading the fifty chapters full of Azrael’s first person point of view, I was thinking na kung ang lalaking magmamahal sa ‘kin ay gaya ni Azrael kay Niklas…
Ang sarap-sarap sana magmahal, at ang dali-dali rin sanang magpakasal.
Azrael represented what a “male” is in our society. Na parang tanggap na dahil lalaki sila, mahirap sa kanila magseryoso sa pag-ibig. Na dahil lalaki sila, mahirap mag-commit sa iisang babae lang. Na dahil lalaki sila, nakatatak na na sila ang mananakit—and that they hurt others before they hurt themselves.
But it’s really such a novelty how he easily changed and unlearned these, when I already know at the glimpse of his childhood how misdirected his upbringing was. Na noong bata siya at wala pang kamuwang-muwang, hindi naman siya gano’n. He likes what he likes. Pero kitang-kita how he cares for others. Na ‘yung binibigay na inumin sa kanya ng mga babaeng nagkakagusto sa kanya, pinipilit niyang ubusin. At the age of 10 or something, he knows that he will love only one woman in his life and will build a big family with her.
I know, as a woman, that men should not be trusted easily. I knew that from the books I have read, from the lived experiences of many women, the tales I have heard, and scenes I have witnessed. But Azrael made me think… what if men were once boys who really are that simple?
Kasi kung tutuusin, napakasimple lang naman. Kapag magmamahal ka, mamahalin mo nang tunay, nang walang kapalit, at nang walang iba. Just like how Azrael simply loves Niklas—loud, true, never ending, never earned, and the only one. He’s so sure of it even if everything else is not certain including Niklas’ feelings for him. >!>!<When he proposed to her all of a sudden, !<!< he didn’t let a preconceived notion of a future where he would regret his decision stop him from choosing her over everything else.
So why can’t men in real life do that? Bakit mayro’n pa ring mga lalaki na humahanap ng iba? Why are there still men who promise us false love when all we want is to be loved like we are cared for, like I we are respected, like we are heard? Why make us feel that it’s our fault that we chose the wrong person? Why do we have to feel like we still have to deserve a man’s heart when what women all did in their life is to earn a place in this male-centered world? Why is it we, women, who are difficult when all we do is replicate how we are treated and what is given to us?
Ang dali-dali lang kasi sana magmahal, pero bakit ang hirap-hirap hanapin? Bakit napakahirap mangyari?
Older women advise na kahit kasal na, huwag mo ibigay lahat. Kahit asawa mo na. Wait a few years and soon that love will die down. Pero bakit kailangan gano’n? Love is a natural right, pero bakit kailangan kong ipagkait ‘yon sa sarili ko kung pamilya naman na niya ako? Kung pinili niya ako, dapat ako lang. Ako lang lagi. The man who chose me should not make me doubt if he’s really sure of me—he should not make me doubt if he will really continue choosing me like how I only choose him.
A man should make his woman feel safe, like how Niklas felt safe with Azrael.
Kaya sobrang sakit ng TGOY for me, because it’s what love is supposed to be. Maybe the way it was told is “ideal” because not every one is the same; but that’s really what anyone needs—a love so simple, a love so loud, a love so honest, and a love so unconditional. Hindi lang kasi “what if” ‘yung kuwento, e. It reflects the “what could’ve been” for everyone. Na kung ganito lang sana ‘yung magmamahal sakin, hindi ko sana katatakutan ang pagpapakasal. If a man could’ve just treated me like this, it would have been so easy for me to jump and throw away all the walls I have built for myself. Kasi sigurado na ako lang at ako lagi. ‘
And maybe the reason why I cried over this a lot, and crying so hard while writing this, is how this story made me hope for something so hard to find. It made me look at my empty ring finger for the first time, it made me think of what my wedding vows would be like, it made me consider throwing away the checklist I have for who I’m gonna settle for as I reflected on how I really want to be loved—all at once.