u/Ready_Eye5412

Hear me out,

I want to be kept. Not in a toxic way, of course.

And not in a way that takes away a person’s autonomy by force.

We live in a time where hookup culture and situationships are more common than anything.

And ya’ll get no judgment from me.

But I’m not built for casual.

I don’t thrive in push and pull.

I thrive when I’m cherished by another.

And I’m built to shower and adore my lover.

I was made to be loved completely.

I’m made to love another deeply.

I don’t want to swipe for temporary thrill.

I want love that makes me feel fulfilled.

So y’all can have your hookups and half-baked love.

I’m gonna wait for the love that I’ve been dreaming of.

I often dream of you while I’m sleeping.

Only to wake and find myself in a daze of day dreaming.

I imagine us cozied up together.

Keeping warm from chilly weather.

Hot cocoa, bonfires, and baking cookies.

Dancing in the kitchen and stealing your hoodies.

I imagine holidays throughout the years.

And you ask “Will you be my Valentine, dear?”

My forever valentine but you ask anyway.

And I’ll always say yes, my love with a smile on my face.

I think a little too far ahead but my mind just goes there.

And I’m kind of a hopeless romantic, to be fair.

Just a lover girl in a tough girl disguise.

Your sweet smile and pretty brown eyes.

Sometimes I gotta ground myself and think about what I know.

So I think about our mountains with a starlit glow.

I wonder if you think of me, and if your mind goes there too.

The memories and things that are still out of view.

You make me so nervous, in the best kind of way.

But anyway… my point is you’re on my mind all damn day.

It doesn’t fade in the distance between you and I.

I cherish it by lying in the grass staring at our starry sky.

It doesn’t fold to disagreements that feel bigger than us.

It’s in my dreams of dancing in the headlights of your truck.

I have no desire to pressure you until you bend.

I only want to adore you while our love naturally ascends.

My love is patience and giving you space.

It’s forgiveness of past mistakes.

It’s understanding the things you’re feeling.

And allowing time to bring us healing.

I want to hold you tighter on the days where you don’t feel good enough.

And rest in your arms on the days where I feel like giving up.

My heart beats for you and I don’t care if I’m exposed.

I love you, I love you more, I love you most.

I’m haunted by your ghost everywhere I strut.

It takes the shape of a red pickup.

Your birthday follows me all around.

Your name all of the time.

Songs that have your sound.

I saw a flag in someone’s yard today.

Football team from your state.

Hell, I even saw it on a license plate.

The reality of loving someone you can’t have.

Their ghost haunts you on their behalf.

Overwhelm turning into burnout from bad feelings.

Losing track of the things that brought me healing.

Darkness covering me until I was afraid.

My tongue becoming as sharp as a blade.

My mind feeling weak and fragile.

Wasn’t feeling like myself for a while.

My heart couldn’t bring my brain peace.

The ugly thoughts would not cease.

Feeling like I only let myself down.

Listening to all the negative sounds.

Remembered who I am so now I won’t waver.

Letting my words speak true and make me braver.

I have no shame for what I go through.

It’s okay to feel it and start again new.

Knowing that this is what I do.

Writing it out and changing my point of view.

Not allowing pain to control my thoughts.

Instead feeling it deeply and turning it into arts.

I won’t disappear when I feel the weight.

I’ll come here instead and let my heart create.

You gave me a look once, when I offered to pay.

Still makes me smile to this day.

The look said “woman you’re crazy if you think that”.

Little miss independent was sat.

You showed me I don’t have to be so tough.

I just want to show you that you are enough.

I’m in a season of self discovery.

My growth calls for reintroductory.

It’s lonely sometimes, I must admit.

But being alone has had so many benefits.

By only pursuing God and working on me.

I’m becoming the best person that I can be.

Healing any bad habits I have.

Like I quit smoking weed a couple months back.

I’m working on my attachments and triggers.

Tending to my garden so it doesn’t wither.

Slowly mending my heart and filling my brain with knowledge.

Building my foundation into something solid.

I’m learning from the mistakes I made.

And leaning on God each and every day.

When love arrives I’ll be ready this time.

I’ll cherish it properly, not just in clever rhyme.

Loving myself harder through tribulations.

I am blooming in a season of patience.

I can’t help but think of the memories.

I can’t help but think of you and me.

Hearing “so beautiful” as I dozed on your chest.

Lying in arms that actually felt like rest.

Singing songs and kissing your face.

Staying up all night in our secret place.

Joking that our parents will report us missing.

I really can’t help all the reminiscing.

Late night phone calls and how you make me laugh.

Telling you I’m keeping your shirt.

And thinking Ope he thinks I’m serious about that.

These memories keep me up well past my bedtime.

These memories and all my you inspired rhymes.

I fall asleep with you on my brain.

You’re the conductor on this thought of train.

I wake up from sweet dreams of you but not Goodmorning texts.

As sweet as they are, have to say they’re second best.

Please bring peace to his heart and his mind.

Allow him to see that he is shaped in your design.

Heal the wounds he doesn’t speak about.

Release him from any and all self doubt.

Relieve the pressures and burdens that he has.

Help him reach all of his goals and plans.

Keep his eyes on you and protect his health.

Teach him to speak only kind words to himself.

Soften his heart when he is down and blue.

Show him how to love himself the way you and I do.

There’s some things you might not have known.

Like did you know that you helped me grow?

And why you’ll always be my favorite color?

A repost on my feed and then another.

“God loves you so much”.

“It’s time to leave situations where you feel stuck”.

Some time goes by and there it is again.

Reposts from an encouraging friend.

During a time when I was living under a dark cloud.

“I hope you heal from the things you don’t talk about”.

Maybe it’s silly of me to think that was your intention.

But either way they got me through the tension.

There were so many of them, always arriving at the perfect time.

They inspired me and gave me back my life.

Life has been quite the beautiful mess.

From childhood shenanigans to adulthood stress.

I probably shouldn’t joke about these things.

But I didn’t even think I’d make it past eighteen.

I have loved and I have lost.

I’ve known the storm and I’ve known the soft.

I’ve withered and I’ve bloomed again.

Like perennials growing from within.

I always knew who I could be.

Regardless of what other people see.

And here I am finally at thirty.

I’m so proud of how far I’ve come.

so Happy Birthday to me.

I don’t trust many people, but I don’t see this as a flaw.

This comes from what I’ve been through and the things I saw.

My circle is small, but this is from what I’ve learned.

Family has betrayed, friends have burned.

and I’ve chosen the wrong people as far as relationships are concerned.

The lack of trust doesn’t necessarily come from pain others have inflicted.

While I’m sure that plays a part, it’s born from times I’ve ignored instincts when conflicted.

It’s about recognizing my worth, and seeing when someone is diminishing my light.

When honesty, boundaries, and communication always come with a fight.

I see patterns in people, and I’ve seen my own.

Instead of living in that, I acknowledge my old ways, heal, and grow.

Now I don’t hand out trust as freely as the sun lights the earth.

And I don’t let others who break it define my worth.

I allow it to build through truth, time, and consistency.

And observing how other people show up for me.

Oh, my love, I knew of your fears.

I did my very best to make them disappear.

I wanted so badly to be your light.

Wrap you up, and shield you from your minds fright.

I silently devoted myself and waited.

But the coldness made my effort feel wasted.

I was losing myself at a rapid speed.

The people around me loved me to bleed.

You saw me dancing and looking alive.

I was suffocating and fighting to survive.

All I wanted was to be home in your arms.

But every attempt was met with swords and guards.

You didn’t know, life was crumbing before me.

People who I thought were safe, burned to the 4th degree.

I treated myself in ways that will haunt me.

I felt so low, a love like yours, I didn’t feel deserving.

My silence didn’t mean I was fine.

I’m sure you know from your own lines.

I wished desperately for you save me.

But I needed to stand on my own two feet.

I dusted myself off and headed home.

But you never unblocked my phone.

I sent messages to no end.

Hoping that you’d actually get them.

I felt pathetic and wounded.

I thought we had been concluded.

I mustered up the courage to try and move on.

Painfully aware id never feel anything that strong.

But can’t you see?

At anytime, you could have had me.

When I stepped back, it was slightly your Ice.

Mostly because I couldn’t find my light.

I never meant for the silence to last forever.

Just until we both felt a bit better.

But now I fear what you don’t see.

Are how your repeated actions are affecting me.

I am strong and I am brave.

But I also have tears that create massive waves.

I’m beautifully grounded.

But doubts in myself and intuition, surround it.

I see everything God and the universe wants me to.

When you lie, trust in myself goes under review.

The push and the pull.

The one foot in and one foot out the door.

I do pretty well fighting those triggers.

But I hang on every word you deliver.

I hope you don’t mind.

That I capture you in rhyme.

And your eyes still visit me at night.

I hope you don’t mind.

That I’m in awe of your design.

And I keep writing you into my lines.

I hope you don’t mind.

That I’m drunk on you like wine.

And I think you are truly divine.

I hope you don’t mind.

That I want you stealing my time.

And I feel you in my soul and spine.

I hope you don’t mind.

That I want you to be mine.

I could tell you I miss you.

but those words just won’t do.

It’s more than longing, more than missing.

More than just awe struck reminiscing.

I crave the way your fingers trace my chin.

Resting my ear on your chest and hearing your adrenaline.

I crave my lips along your neck, memorizing your skin.

Tangled up so I don’t know where you end and I begin.

I crave your sun light and your gloomy grays.

Your arms keeping me safe from harm’s way.

Your hands in my hair, the smile on your face.

Inside jokes, the butterflies, and the steadiness of your gaze.

Making you laugh and your mouth saying my name.

I crave you like a drought begs for rain.

To me, you are more than just a man.

Darlin, I’ve handed you my pulse with shaking hands.

Remnants of you are pinned in my heart, like photos on a wall.

Each memory perfectly placed, I love them like rainfall.

I think l'd lose a piece of myself if I tried to erase.

After all, you and I are heaven's grace.